Cheering You On

Four way stop-signs...My Expertise!

2008-06-10T10:59:00.000-07:00

Hi.

I'm not the best driver. I do believe this has been acknowledged in previous emails :) However, I don't like to admit that I'm a bad driver - it's a total pride thing. Besides, I don't particularly have a lot of tickets or accidents that would serve as any sort of implications of bad driving.

But just between me and you...I'm a bad driver. I get lost a lot. Something I'll deny until my death. I like to claim that I'm really good at getting places; which, with perfect, to-the-mile marker directions, I'm great. My question is, what did everyone do before Mapquest and Yahoo Maps! I suppose buggies didn't fly by turns quite as fast as my little Bessie, the '93 Sentra, does. My dad can vouch for my incredibly innate lacking sense of direction... An all too familiar phone call from his lovely and dearest daughter sounds something like, "uh, hi, dad? Are you near a computer? I'm here…and I need to get...there!"

Moving on...not only do a get lost a lot, but I also sort of hmm, what's the word, zone out? Yeah, that's it, I zone out a lot. But ever since arriving back in Grand Haven I seem to zone out even more. Particularly at four-way stops. I've noticed that I don't take any notice at all to whom has arrived first, and then, instead of waiting, I just take off (assuming it's my turn). Too often other cars start - probably, because it actually is their turn - I speed up, all of a sudden confused once I snap back into it. And then leave the scene of the "zone out" completely and totally embarrassed and a wee bit sheepish feeling - and to be honest, incredibly thankful that I didn't get hit!

The other day I was driving in to town. Upon nearing a four-way stop, and much to my amazement, I actually looked to see if any other cars were coming up on the four-way. Holy Hannah! I thought, I actually paid attention. (I know, I got a lecture about using "holy" in front of words when I was a kid, but that's what I thought). I quickly gave myself a metaphorical "pat on the back," which was only followed by the realization that I didn't actually stop at the stop sign; moreover, I sort of rolled through it. I'm not good at that either - the actual stopping part of stop signs.

In fact, when I was in high school. I accidentally ran through a red light, sped my way through a residential area, came upon a four-way stop sign and blew through it, all the while commenting to my friend, "watch this!" Unfortunately there was a cop sitting at the four-way stop sign, who had the shear surprise of watching my reckless driving and the pure pleasure of pulling me over. Luckily, after a small side conversation about having two licenses (which is illegal, by the way) and not knowing which one to pass along to him, as I commented on the fact my hair was down in one, and that my hair looked better down; He came back and let me go mentioning something about the state not liking it when young drivers get tickets and the fact that yes, indeed, my hair did look better down!

All that to say, five or six years later and I'm still horrible at stop signs, plowing through them or rolling right on by. But as I said, the other week I may have rolled through the sign, but somehow I managed to take note of whether or not other cars were nearing. And a few blocks later I managed to not only look to see if other cars were at the stop sign, but I also stopped. In fact, I stopped so good I was actually able to let another car go who had arrived at the stop sign after me.

Okay, besides taking note to never ever ride with me in the car, please also note that my driving reflects life. Life is a process. Life is a journey. There are so many things in life that I just can't seem to do better at...I might have a few good days, but often not, more bad days. Days where I'm patient and days where I lose it all the time. Days where I'm thoughtful and days where I'm very self-centered. You get the picture, right? I share my driving with you as a precautionary notice and warning for those who do dare take the passenger seat with me, and to also remind you to keep on going...Today, you may make great strides, or you may flounder a bit. Tomorrow you may be head high with frustration or your may be surfing the waves of life. Either way, today is today, tomorrow is tomorrow. Keep on trying, keep on working at it.

As I said, I don't have a lot of things that would imply I'm a bad driver, but I know I could do better. And even though we may not always be called out on our struggles or issued a ticket when we "mess up" we all know we could be doing better, right?

It was really nice when I actually was truly aware of my surroundings...and it was even better when I gave myself the chance to waive the other lady on...

It's nice, when in life we're aware of what's going on, and it's even better when we're able to put others before us!

Cheering you on through driver's training :)

May you keep going through the tickets, traffic jams, stop signs, and even the fender benders of life!

Kaylee

Lagging behind.

2008-06-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

Buenos Dias!

What do you do when you're 23, living with your parents, and wondering if you'll ever find a job? You walk --- a lot.

That's what you do, and that's what I was doing today. I was on a walk. As I chugged along a path, which winds through the woods and down to the beach (absolutely beautiful), I heard a few voices behind me. They were the voices of three men, dressed in jeans, collared shirts, and pagers on their hips. They didn't look like runners or joggers. They weren't even dressed for a walk of this distance and intensity. To be honest, I really didn't think they'd end up catching up to me, but it didn't take too long for the pitter patter of their feet to pitter patter right on past me. Alongside me, one of them looked at me and said, "beautiful day isn't it?" They were just chatting up a storm, something about walleye fishing and big waves. As they continued up the path with a hop in their step and a spring in their stride I thought to myself, with that much joy and excitement, they look like the disciples running to the tomb (as the irony of fishing and big waves finally hits me).

I wondered why a few grown men would randomly remind me of the disciples running to the tomb....

To be honest, as they passed me, I couldn't help but feel like I was lagging...lagging behind. And as odd as it may sound, even when they were behind me I felt like I was lagging. Somehow they carried something with them. Something I didn't seem to have this morning; a sort of joy-filled spirit. They walked as if on the best adventure ever. They had a mission, a destination, even if the mission was just to keep on walking.

Is it possible that though they didn't even looked like they belonged on the path that they somehow understood and enjoyed the path that much more than me?

Is it possible that we dress ourselves up as Catholics, Methodists, Episcopalians...as you know, Christians; and yet somehow others understand and enjoy the beauty of the earth, the significance of relationships, and the joy of love more than we do?

I'm not really trying to give a comparison act here...In fact, I shouldn't try and categorize this at all...let me explain.

I'm reading this book right now. It discusses the modern era, the postmodern era, and how we, as Christians, throughout this transition between the modern era and the postmodern era might merge out as perhaps a new kind of Christian. (In fact, that's the title of the book, A New Kind of Christian).

There's a point where, when talking about what this new kind of Christian might look like, that reads...

I believe Jesus meant it when he said the Spirit of God would be with us, guiding us, to the very end. So I believe that he will guide us through these winds and currents of change, no matter what storms come. In fact, I believe that he is the wind in our sails, leading us into change, because that's his way. He always moves ahead. He's not about taking us back into the past, some beautiful illusion of good old days. He has a purpose he is working toward, and I want to keep up with him. I suppose that's my greatest fear, not that I'll go too fast or too far, but that I'll lag behind.

So I wonder. Am I keeping up with God? Is it possible that in the modern era, an era devoted to systems, numbers, control that we're lagging?

That we're too stuck on numbers... (How many were saved tonight? Did you have prayer time for 30 minutes this morning?)

That we're too stuck on systems... (If you do this and don't do that then it's all good. A relationship with God looks like this: read your Bible, go to church, and sing a lot of worship songs. Oh, and don't forget about Bible studies).

That we're still stuck on the idea of conquering and controlling...(Are you a Christian? Do you belong to my elite group?).

I'm not saying these are wrong things or bad things. I'm just saying, I think there's more, and I think that even though I might be on the path, that I'm still not quite getting it. On my walk this morning I knew the system. I knew left foot, right foot. And yes, I was on the path, but I still was lagging. I know the system. I'm on the path. But is God calling me to something more?

So how, in the era in which we find ourselves immersed, do we keep up with God? He's putting the world back together and making all things new isn't He? For me, I know I'm lagging when it comes to recycling. I'm also much quicker to criticize and judge than to edify and encourage so as to conquer and control situations (or at least attempt to control them). And I tend to put a system, a box, around my Jesus, which limits how incredibly wonderful and beautiful He is.

There was a point where the men I saw on my walk this morning veered left and I veered right. I continued to think about all the implications these men and their stride had on my life. I saw them later en route. One of them was now on his cell phone. Again, couldn't help but think of them as the disciples, on a mission, to share what they had seen and heard...

I want that. I want to carry God with me. I want to share what He's working to do --- restore the world; creating a world that is of love, and joy, equality, community, a stable environment, patience, peace throughout, no endangered species...I want to join in on that. And I want to work towards that. And I want others to join in on that as well.

I'm better for having those men cross my path today. I hope that my life is the same for those whom I encounter!

Cheering you on as we catch up to a God who is always moving.

May we have not fear for change, but may we embrace the art of making all things new.

Kaylee

But I'll Fly, Buttafly.

2008-06-10T10:55:00.002-07:00

Hi.

A few weeks ago I wrote and talked about how I felt like I was in a closet..not a valley, not a desert, but a closet...

No, haven't found the light switch yet (and have yet to confirm if there is even one included in my closet's floor plan). And no, I haven't figured out what exactly it is that I seem to be holding, fondling...hating.

Yep. still in my closet.

But a few conversations later and a couple of emails back and forth, and I seem to have learned a few things.

I've found out I'm not alone. Other people are in closets too...which of course, this helps to know.

I've also been reminded that "wherever you go, there you are." I'm here. I think for a while I fought the idea of going into my closet, of wrestling with thoughts, of letting go of the preconceived plans I had for my life. So I was in my closet, but not fully present in my closet. I was gasping for air as if I had been holding my breathe for 5 minutes...which, maybe I was. I've been afraid to breathe. Afraid to wrestle, afraid that if I did wrestle, this faith that I've built would be nothing. Afraid that if didn't have all the answers, or know that the answers were on their way, or know that the answers would be answered in this lifetime, then I'd lose it all. I'd die. I was afraid. And so I stopped breathing - in a metaphorical and spiritual sense of course, not literal :) The air around me kept getting tighter and thicker and my breaths kept getting shorter and shorter; which to me is a very humorous thought, like someone who thinks they're drowning only to realize that they can just stand up and the water is only knee-cap deep. I picture myself like that, gasping for air, arms around my neck, only to realize that all the oxygen I need is right at my dispense :)

But like I said, I've learned a few things. It's okay to be in my closet. Wherever you go, there you are, right? Here, my closet, is where I am...and that's where, in order to be fully present, I have to be.

So I'm finally sitting in my closet, and for a few days, that's all I could say for myself...sitting and breathing...breathing and sitting...you know, that sort of thing. But I finally felt relief. I felt (and still do) safe and secure. As if I'm in a new sanctuary, one I've never known before, but interesting...a bit peculiar, a little cramped for space, but nevertheless, my own little place where I can meet with God.

But I'm not done...remember, I said I've learned a few things...what's a few anyways? 3 or more, isn't it? Okay, so that leaves me with plenty of points to make, ha ha.

Honestly though, I got to thinking...I remember last year I had this girl ask if she could pray with me, or over me, or whatever you call it when someone fully heartily wants to offer all your pain and confusion to the Father and you stand there half-heartily involved, as you ponder if prayer is even really effective. She said something along the lines of and Father, we know, that it is only out of darkness that a butterfly emerges...Oh buddy, butterfly? Really? Really God?

You see, God and I have this thing, this thing with butterflies, (flowers too, but we'll save that for another day) Anyway, butterflies tend to be God's way of telling me He loves me; which in extremely difficult times, times of confusion and pain, only makes me extremely angry at the sight of a butterfly. (In fact, to be honest, my parent's have a butterfly as their screen savor. The other day I got so frustrated and anxious with life that I just had to change the screen savor...funny, because after that, I only saw more and more butterflies, ha ha).

But I'm starting to learn that butterflies are not just His way of saying I love you...I'm starting to learn that they represent the fact that life is a process. I'm realizing that He tends to show me butterflies when I'm experiencing a lot of growth, enlightenment, adventure...It's kind of like His way of saying, are you ready for this? bit scared? don't worry, I'm here, don't be anxious, Kaylee, breathe.

so butterflies, eh? Really?....Yeah, butterflies. Butterflies it is...Everywhere recently. It's almost as if I have to be careful not to step on them....

And I'm reminded of the girl's prayer. This closet? It may just be my chrysalis; a time of great growth and change; even if I can't necessarily feel or see it happening.

In the past week or so I've also thought of the Chronicles of Narnia...I think CS Lewis knew this closet, this chrysalis. The children had to leave the world as they knew it, venture through a dark time, a place of cluttered coats and darkness, so as to breach through to another world, another kingdom, that of Narnia. We too, at times, will leave the world as we know it, venture through darkness, perhaps moments of clutter and confusion, so as to reach another kingdom, that of our Father.

So maybe, just maybe, this closet, this chrysalis isn't so bad after all.

Cheering you on as you journey through life.

May you rest in the ever-present season of life that you find yourself in. And may you fear not where you are, for wherever you are, there you are, and He with you.

Kaylee

Breathe in Me
(by Kaylee)

Breathe in me, even when I can't speak any words today.
Breathe in me, even when I can't see past yesterday.
Feels like I'm all alone...

Dark, Lonely, I feel like I've been pushed aside in here.
Searching, I suppose but not really searching at all, I fear.
Feels like I'm in my own little chrysalis...

Butterfly, Butterfly is what I'm going to be
Butterfly, Butterfly so beautiful and free
With the wind against my face
As I flutter through His grace

This world may bring pain,
But I'll fly.
Little Butterfly.

Breath in a closet.

2008-06-10T10:55:00.001-07:00

Hi all.

dark? yes. scary? not quite like Halloween. confusing? most certainly. frustrating? more than a jigsaw puzzle that's for sure (and if you know me well enough, you'll know I'm horrible at jigsaw puzzles; any puzzle or brain teaser for that matter.). Some call it a valley. Some call it the desert. But in the past month, I've grown to claim it as my "closet."

Personally, I think I'd rather be in a valley or a desert. Either of them seems more appealing to me at this point. But I have to honest; it doesn't feel like a valley...In a valley you look up and wonder how to get up and out of it. And it doesn't feel like a desert...In a desert you long, you long for your thirst to be quenched. You long for luscious forestry and brooks overflowing with cool refreshing water.

I don't seem to be looking up (wish I was) and I don't seem to be longing for more (I'm sure I need to be, but such doesn't seem to be the case right now)...

It feels much more like a closet. Yes, a closet. This past year I feel like I've been tossed into a closet. It's a dark closet. Nothing to sit on. It's hot in here. It's humid. The air is pretty thick actually. A closet. Musty smelling. You know the kind. I seem to have some sort of object in my hand. Not sure at all what it is.

Dark. Lonely. Empty. Thick. Hard to breathe. Unable to sit and rest. And an object.

The problem is...I don't want to be in the closet. I don't want to wait in the dark anymore. I don't want to wrestle with the object anymore. And I most certainly don't want to try and rest in this uncomfortable place. I think there's a party going on outside my closet and I want to be a part of it. I want to be out of my closet.

I've looked for a light switch, and I can't find it. I've tried to figure out if this object in my hand is actually something worthwhile, something more than an occupier of space in my already limited space-of-a-closet.

I bet you're all thinking that I'll tell you how I got out of the closet. I bet you think I'll tell you where the light switch is. I bet you think I'm going to tell you that I've figured it all out. Or at least I'll tell you that I figured out that the object is a blow-up beach ball, ha ha.

But I can't. I don't know why I'm in the closet. Why would anyone hang out in a dark and lonely closet? Great question, you ask. Maybe I need to learn how to rest. Maybe I need to learn that the party is not about me and that it will go on, with or without me. Maybe I need time to fondle whatever it is in my hand - my faith? something I've placed before God? Maybe God had to place me in a closet to get my attention. Or maybe, maybe I just need to get away from the world, as I knew it, for a while.

A coworker of mine down in North Carolina invited me to go to the Body Worlds Exposition. Funny thing is, she kept asking me how I felt about going to it. She, being a bit iffy on the whole thing, was amazed at my overwhelming excitement for the event. It wasn't until we were standing right in front of the exposition that I read: the anatomical exposition of real human bodies.

Real? These bodies are real? Yuck! Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick - oops, guess I hadn't caught that part! :)

As we uh, what's the proper word to use here, as we browsed through the bodies? (please note my cringed face) We got to a case where a brain just sat there. I had this absolute pure moment of awe. It was just a pile of mush. Could have been pile of play dough for all that it appeared to be just lying there on the case. And it hit me. The Spirit of Life is undeniable. Without it a brain is a pile of mush. With it, this pile of mush, thinks, feels, reasons, spawns so much, so so much. It makes life.

So I'm in a closet. And I don't know much at the moment other than that. I know a lot of stuff in my head. But right now, all my heart knows is that I'm in a closet. It's dark. It's confusing. It's most definitely frustrating. At some point...maybe the light switch will turn on (there has to be one somewhere in here, I'm sure of it.)...and maybe I'll start to make out this object in my hand a bit more. But until then, I'll just keep on breathing. For as long as I shall live (which is forever) I know that the Spirit of the Lord is within me. And it's beautiful. It sustains me; even in a musty, dark, ole closet.

Cheering you on as you breathe in and breathe out.

May the Spirit of the Lord, the giver of Life, fill your all in all, wherever you find yourself today.

Kaylee

Follow the Yellow, or Maybe the Purple Brick Road

2008-06-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

Hi there.

It's been a while, I know. All I got in regards to that is: sorry.

So here we go. I offered to run an errand this afternoon for a coworker of mine. The place I had to go was a bit-of-a-ways away. I hopped onto the highway, took an exit onto a main road and then happened to sort of hmm, I don't know, miss the road I was supposed to take (for those who know me, this isn't an all to uncommon thing in my life). However, I was only a bit off track and found myself at my designated location in no time at all. But while driving there I thought, I wonder if I could just take Monroe all the way back? Won't it get me back to the Chapter too?

As I began my route back I wavered back and forth as to whether or not I wanted to see if Monroe Street led where I thought it would lead. I even put my blinker on so as to turn off and start going back from where I came from. But the oh-so-adventurous part of Kaylee wanted to see if I could do it...To see if I was right.

I'm not going to lie, upon making the decision to try the "unexplored route" I got incredibly nervous and anxiety filled my stomach. I think I went in and out of hot flashes as my stomach remained a bit turned up-side down as I continued to drive on Monroe Street. I had just a few anxious thoughts screaming in my ear, What if you get lost? What if you're going in the opposite direction? What if you don't make it back to the Chapter for a really long time?

Perhaps it was the stubbornness in me, but I kept on going - the feelings of anxiety going right alongside with me. But as I rounded a corner I got a huge view of the city which informed me that I was right on track.

As my stomach flipped right-side up I couldn't help but think of the pattern in my life right now and really, my life for the past few years. Worry. Adventure. Amazing. Worry. Adventure. Amazing. I tend to worry over and over again that I'm going to make the wrong decision and that upon that one decision I'll mess it all up and end up outside of where God wants me. But at the same time, I have this huge fear of just going down that "same ole road."

Now, it is to note that "the same old road" isn't essentially "wrong." In fact, I had a friend who recently told me that life isn't necessarily right or wrong, rather the choice lies with what will bring the most life. So it's just that life offers a lot of options and we don't have to let fear keep us on that "same old road" when our hearts are calling us to so much more.

Some of you today, are sitting on that "same old road" wondering if maybe there's an adventure to be had. Another road to take. If so, I encourage you to go for it. Live. Live recklessly abandoned to God and the great things He has in store for you. Be wise. But be. Be the adventure your heart is calling you to embrace.

For those of you who, perhaps, have found yourself winding down the path of adventure, but are filled with anxiety and worry, keep on going. Let the worry go. As I drove down the road today, the city continued to go in and out of sight. You will not always see how you're working for His Kingdom and you may not always have the desired affirmation that what you're doing is "His will." But trust that life has infinite options, infinite roads to take. Take one, then maybe take another. Glimpses of His Kingdom will come in and out of sight. Look forward to those glorious moments when you do see it, and in the moments of anxiety, remember to rest.

My friend told me recently that God doesn't always tell us where to go until after we're there...Then he told me to, "just have fun!" (I think he was trying to tell me something, ha ha).

Cheering you on as you turn off the "same old road" and find all that was meant to be lived.

May you have the courage, strength, and faith to explore.

Kaylee

99 Found, Looking for the Lost One.

2008-06-10T10:53:00.002-07:00

Hi all.

If you've been watching the news at all the past week you're probably well aware of the little boy scout who was lost in the Carolina mountains...

Lost. I've been there.

Lost. I've been lost in a lot of different ways. There isn't just one kind of lost - well, at least not how I see it. I've been geographically lost (Just ask my dad about this one. He's become a pro at interstate-mapquesting, ha). I've been mentally lost (I find myself in this kind of lost a little all too often, ha ha). Sometimes I'm lost in day-dreams (love this kind of lost). Sometimes I'm lost in myself (oops!). I can get lost in others (no comment on this), and I can get lost in the beauty of things (deep relaxation in this kind of lost).

At times, I'm lost for only a moment but at other times, I'm lost for a season...there have been times where I have wandered away from God. These are the prideful times where I think on my own I can make my life better. I'm lost in pride. Lost in foolishness. Lost in ignorance, and lost in guilt. It takes the loving hand of my gracious Savior, His oh-so-loving voice beckoning me back, to draw me away from my distorted path and gently place me on a path that is straight.

Then there are times when I wake up from a hard fall...and I'm lost. The fall can be relationally, spiritually, physically...however it is I may fall... the point is I'm fallen. It tends to take me a while to realize I've fallen. I tend to get angry that I wasn't kept from falling, confused as to why the tumble and trip was allowed. Eventually, I'll come to realize that I feel a bit lost. I wish I could say I'm like a Daniel Boone or a Lewis and Clark who would most likely consider it a great adventure to be lost somewhere and have to find your way out...I wish that was me...but it's not. My typical reaction is a weary spirit that's usually near close to giving up on being found. Rather pathetic attitude, I must admit.

If you stayed up to date on the story of the lost little boy. He was found.

When my mom told me this I just about burst into tears of joy. I remained just as excited about it all as I continued to watch news reports on it. I can't help put think of our Heavenly Father. I know...I've heard it over and over again how He seeks the lost and loves us and...and...But to realize how excited I was over this lost boy being found, only brought into light how much more our Father rejoices when we are found.

I think it's fair to say that each of our hearts went out to this lost boy. You may not have ever been lost just as he, but you've been lost. You know how it feels to some extent. And it was almost too much to bear to think about all that he was going through...So too, God must mourn with us and for us while we're lost.

Are you lost? Maybe not "off the path" lost but I mean lost. Are you lost? Whatever lost may mean in your life today. Are you lost? Lost as to where to go next in life? Are you at a loss as to how to fix your relationship? Lost on what you truly think of this God of ours? Lost in your emotions? or simply lost...are you lost?

Good news. You will be found. A season of being lost, and at a loss, certainly does not label you as a failure, a fallen Christian. We come from the nation Israel, which means, one who struggles with God. Yes, we struggle with being lost. We don't particularly like (which is understandable) all the different emotions that being lost invokes; feelings of fear, loneliness, anger, assault...But we will always be found. He will always make straight our paths. He will lead us home.

They interviewed a boy scout on one of the news reports. He said the three things you learn as a boy scout are one, stick with someone. Two, stay on the path...and three...three? I don't remember (it was probably something like don't eat girl scout cookies, ha ha...just kidding. I don't remember three) But I find point one and two to be very interesting...

If you're lost today...cling on to community, and to the life and direction it brings, stay on the path as best as you can, and remember, you will be found. And oh how incredibly great our Father rejoices when we are found. Tears to His eyes, warmth to His heart, and some sweet-sweet honey to His soul.

Cheering you on in whatever season of lost you may be in today.

May you trust that you will be found.

Kaylee

Alphabet Soup.

2008-06-10T10:53:00.001-07:00

Good Afternoon Y'all!

I sat down to write an email this morning. I began typing about a half a sentence worth of words and looked up only to see an utter disaster on the screen. Somehow, as I had begun to type, my hands had shifted a bit and instead of typing up a work of comprehensible material, I instead produced a mess, an incomprehensible cluster of letters, truly, a bowl of alphabet soup displayed itself on my screen. My fingers could have been flowing in sure literary genius, but without my fingers placed correctly on the keyboard, a disaster is all that I could produce. I'll admit I had to have a little chuckle at my expense...

Most of you can relate to this situation. However, some of you are still using the two-finger typing method and have yet to graduate to the two-handed, all finger encompassing efficiency and skill of typing, ha. Either way, most of you can relate to the struggling attempt of typing in perfection (I think it's fair to say that most of us are all too familiar with the "backspace" button on our keyboard, ha ha).

I can't help but think that the placement of my hands on the keyboard is like the placement of Christ in my life. Just a little off kilt and my desire to create a sure flowing grammatical and comprehensible masterpiece erupted into a disastrous mess of an email. So too, with Christ, placing Him just a little out of the center, changes everything.

You see, I can run this race as hard as I can. I can give as much as I can. I can volunteer here, give my money there. I can attend this worship service, and listen to that sermon. I can offer all that I am. I can speak His Word with every breath I take, but if when I raise my arms in worship, and when my eyes find rest, if they are not raised to my Savior and falling on His glorious beauty then I have nothing. My heart and devotion, desire and passion, need to fall on, focus in on Him, on bringing glory to Him. All too often, it's altogether too easy to attempt to bring glory to myself rather than to Him, and what I produce is a self-centered, chaotic, and horrific mess...

So where do our hearts fall today? Where do our motives lie? On Him? or on ourselves? Do we seek to line our hearts up with His or try desperately to fit Him into our preconceived expectations of life? Are we running with all that we have, trying to save ourselves by all-too-frequent "pats on the backs"? or are we living a life of a cheerful giver, living life out of gratitude and love for our amazing Father?

Where do our hearts fall today?...

Cheering you on as you seek to continuously align and re-align your hearts up with the path that is straight, full of life and truth.

May you find rest knowing that it is He who can make our paths straight and better yet "turn our mess into His message."

Kaylee

Polka Dots on the Heart.

2008-06-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

Good Morning,

A couple of weeks ago I found myself in a conversation where a friend expressed that he was in a very dry season of the heart. It was actually a bit of music to my ears to hear that I wasn't the only one in such a spot.

The following day I grabbed a card for him...Well, actually we were meeting for breakfast prior to church. I began my venture towards the bagel shop - having to stop at a gas station on my way to fill up yet another flat tire (3rd time since my move down here to Charlotte) oh, and it was raining...and I didn't have seventy-five cents with me so I had to withdrawal $20 from a nearby ATM so as to get my seventy-five cents to fill up my flat tire in the rain...

Anyway, sorry, I'm getting a bit off track. It was actually after this that I remembered I had forgotten to grab a card from my card stash for the friend. I ran home quickly, grabbed the card, and sat in my car as the rain poured down my car's windshield (which has a huge crack in it, but yes, that is Bessie for you. And yes my car has a name. But just so you know you can only name a car once you've developed a relationship with it. Or if it's a brand new dream car where you can name it Babe or something like that). I began to write inside this card to my friend. It was blank - which I don't particularly always like blank cards because that means there's more space for me to fill up with my own words - I'm lazy. As I sat there in my car I had no idea what to write...I just started writing. What seemed to come to mind was the idea of being dry...a dry land. I found myself getting excited for my friend as I realized that a dry land is that much more in need of a rain. Kind of like a sponge. A moist or wet sponge can soak in more water, sure, no big deal. But a dry sponge. A dry sponge gets to soak in so much more all at once. When you hold a dry sponge under a faucet you can just feel it soaking and soaking up the water.

My brother and sister-in-law got me a journal for Christmas (as did many other friends and family members - thanks to you all - I love journals) I decided to start writing in the one they gave me...The journal has dividers in it. These dividers have quotes on one side and verses on the back side. I was flipping through it and ran across one whose quote read:

God often takes a course
for accomplishing His purposes
directly contrary to what our
narrow views would prescribe.
He brings a death upon our feelings,
wishes, and prospects when
He is about to give us
the desire of our hearts.
- John Newton

Last night while I was journaling I told God that my faith was a bit exhausted - as I was journaling these words it became more and more apparent how beautiful the dry seasons of our faith really are...It hit me that wherever there are dark spots in my heart, God can shine His light. In fact, these darkened areas of my life are the absolute perfect place for God to shine on in and in fact, embed and dwell in these dark spots so as to dissipate the darkness and shine forth His light.

You see, I would consider myself an optimistic manic depressant. I typically see the glass half full and I surely would never want to bring another person down and yet, one bad seed of confusion or sorrow in my heart can grow into a forest of despair for my soul. And I feel like my heart has all sorts of polka-dot dark spots. But recently, I'm really excited about these dark spots because they are truly dark spots. Confusion. Loneliness. Jealousy. Insecurity. They aren't tainted spots. I can't pretend they aren't there. I can't try to cover them up. Try to shine my own light, persay. They are there and they are dark. They are truly in need of a Savior. They need light, true light to shine on them...My own creative way of covering up and hiding these dark spots won't make due anymore.

So today, this morning, there is much hope in my heart and joy in my soul. Hope that as my heart remains dry and confused, it is only more and more ready to soak in His blessings that all flow in His perfect timing...and great joy that in my hopelessness, He brings hope. In my loneliness He offers friendship. In my despair, He whispers, see I am doing something new. And in my humanness, He still chooses to use me.

Cheering you on through all seasons of life.

May you have hope through the dark spots in your heart and wait in great excitement and anticipation for the ways in which God will transform darkness into light.

Kaylee

Options.

2008-06-10T10:48:00.000-07:00

Hola!

Last night, while lying in bed, I began to create options in my head. And by "options" I am referring to potential mates. A bit pathetic to admit, I know.

You may get a chuckle out of this, I sure do, but our chapter of American Red Cross is having its 90th anniversary in March. I am helping to coordinate a Birthday Party to celebrate this landmark. It will consist of all sorts of birthday festivities including the presence of players from the Charlotte Eagles semi-pro soccer team. As I was lying in bed I jumped from "option" to "option." As I did so, I instantaneously noticed how quickly my emotions, feelings, and thoughts could grab hold onto an "option" and run with it...all reflected in the fact, that I've already got the wedding date set, the dress bought, and the happily-ever-after story written and ready to go with at least one or all of the players in attendance - and for all I know, they're all married, ha ha.

Four months. I have four more months until my AmeriCorps service comes to a completion. Once again, options is the name of the game. I continuously bounce from one option to the next. One day I'm set on moving to Florida in order to teach speech to high schoolers. The next day, I'm set on moving back to the Midwest where I can be close to family and friends (yes, family and friends, why else would anybody in their right mind move back to the frigidity artic weather you folks endure up there :)

The day after that, I'll forget about location and start thinking about vocation. I should just start a card collection called Cheering You on, and it'll be just like Hallmark but instead of holidays and birthdays, oh we'll do that too, but we'll also write cards to hit certain seasons of life. Yeah, that's it. Or maybe I should write music. I love singing. I love music. I bet God could use me to reach people by writing music. Over and over again, my mind creates options. And the emotions that these thoughts invoke grab hold of me, repeatedly taking me on an emotional roller coaster.

Options. Life offers so many options. That's the exciting part.

Options. Life offers so many options. That's the absolutely horrifying part.

And for me personally, all too often it seems more horrifying than exciting.

Some of you may understand exactly where I'm coming from. It seems that "options" are flying at you left and right.

So what do we do with "options?"

Honestly, I don't know the answer to this question. I struggle every day with choosing from the infinite-options toolbar of life.

Maybe we just lay it all down. Maybe we tell Satan to step behind us, for confusion to flee us. Maybe we stop creating options.

And maybe we just sit instead. We sit and listen for the still small voice to lead us. Because that voice was, is, and is to come. His voice will remain...

Options will come and go, minute by minute, and season by season. Some options offer freedom and adventure. Some options are there solely for us to decline. They're there for us to wrestle with...and as you wrestle through what God is calling for your life, as you roll over options in your head, you will have moments of great clarity and you will have moments of confusion...Trust Him. He may not speak today, or tomorrow, but He will speak and He will lead. He always does. His faithfulness reaching to the heavens!

so sit...and listen..

Cheering you on as you wrestle with options!

May you fondle these options, yes, but may you not fret over them.

Kaylee

Seek and you will find.

2008-06-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

Hello Hello,

I had figured since Cheering You On: as you run your race with Christ is in the process of being published, I was perhaps done writing "Cheering You On" emails...ha ha, but somehow it appears that I'm not done...God continues to reveal Himself in quirky ways, ways I feel like sharing. :)

so here we go...another Cheering You On:

I was driving home from the mall today. (I still stand by the statement of my dislike towards malls. In fact, I believe this is perhaps only my 3rd or 4th time going to this particular mall since my arrival in Charlotte - one time being for an eye appointment. I don't know how they do it, but malls have this way of introducing me to the idea that perhaps my life is incomplete without this sweater, pair of pants, or new pair of shoes. I somehow manage to almost always leave malls disheartened...ha ha, eh, such is life).

I hopped in my car. Started her up and began my venture home - which was interrupted by the fact I had to stop at work to retrieve a jacket I had left there earlier in the week. I then decided to write this, so I haven't made it home yet, but I'm getting there - Anyway, what I'm trying to get to is the fact that while driving I had this annoying, nagging discomfort in my back. It felt as if something was there, perhaps part of my clothing had bunched up...I tried a couple of times to feel for what it could be, apparently got impatient with it, and gave up.

After a while of feeling this ”item" digging into my back I finally reached back again, discovered that the string adjuster on my jacket had folded up and was indeed, digging into my back. I quickly brushed it downward and instantaneously felt the relief of my actions. All I could think was why didn't I do that sooner? As the thought rolled over in my mind, I had an overlapping thought of Why don't you do things sooner in all areas of your life?

It seems that I am currently going through this awkward season where I know something isn't quite right with God. I have ideas, guesstimates, and perhaps, yes indeed, excuses (ha, ha) as to why my heart is the way it is right now. The thing is I've tried a couple of times to grab at it, take hold of it, and fix it. But it hasn't worked.

And now, after this little moment in my car, I can't help but think, What's there? What haven't you grabbed onto and fixed? What is it that you are allowing to sit and nag at your soul? Why not try one more time to reconfigure your heart?

Maybe you're like this. Maybe you're sitting at your computer right now, and you have pains, discomforts, and questions that haven't been healed, relieved, or answered. Maybe you feel like giving up. Maybe the idea of persevering seems absurd. But what if we're wrong? What if there's more in store for both of us, for you and for me?

Maybe, just maybe it's all worth the continuous pressing...that is, we press on to take hold of all that He has in store for us. I know God is the one who lives in us making us whole and complete, but I'm really starting to catch onto this beautiful game of hide n' go seek. Although I must admit, for me personally, it appears He has the best hiding spot ever! :)

I love it.

Cheering you on as you try time and time again for it is in the trying that we are refined into something a little more like Him.

Today, little by little, may there be comfort and peace in your heart.

Kaylee

Conclusion.

2008-05-09T16:22:00.001-07:00

Conclusion.

Conclusion? I don’t suppose there is a conclusion. This may be the last page in the book, but it is purely a moment in time. The story doesn’t conclude here; it continues on. I’m just part of the story, part of the journey. And as I explored this God of the universe, as I came to know Him more and more…I wrote.

Thank you for taking the time to go through this thought process with me. Thank you for being part of my story, and in so doing, being part of the greatest story ever told. Thank you.

Cheering you on as you run your race with Christ.

Kaylee

How great the Father's love for us.

2008-05-09T16:16:00.000-07:00

Good Morning y'all.

I rock babies in the Progressive Care Unit at the Carolinas Medical Center on Monday evenings. It's a beautiful thing though I must admit, there are times where I'm so exhausted by the time I get there, that I nearly rock myself to sleep (oops).

Recently, I tend to rock the same little baby girl. She's bigger than most of the babies and has been there quite a while. Last night when I got there she was already fussing (I reckon she must have known I was on my way and was calling first-dibs on my services, ha).

She had monitors hooked up on other visits, but this time she had a feeding tube and a bag hooked to her stomach for her waste to drain into. Her outfit was open so I could see her stomach - amongst all the tubes attached to her belly. She also had a pretty fresh scar running vertically on her stomach.

The nurse was having trouble getting her to settle down enough to feed her so she laid her in my arms and we began to watch Barney together. I was rocking her and while looking at her, I noticed she also had an extra growth by her right ear. With each inhale and exhale she breathed, I was reminded of the difficulty she has breathing. The smell of her waste bag created a nauseous feeling throughout my body. In addition to all of this, she also has something wrong with the formation of her left eye.

I sat there rocking this baby girl. While doing so, I began to pray for blessing upon blessing to flow in and through her life.

As I sat there praying and rocking, it dawned on me that her spirit was whole. That yes, life has been extremely unfair for this child thus far in her journey but that it was I, myself, who had labeled her as broken. I realized that though she has numerous medical conditions and doesn't quite appear to look like every other baby in the unit, she's whole. She's complete.

She relaxed enough for the nurse to feed her while I held her.

After the feeding, she got a bit too heavy so I placed her in her crib and began playing with her. She kept on smiling this smile that melted my heart. All of a sudden she started turning red and tensing up. I waited to see if it continued and that it wasn't just a bathroom pause, but she continued. I called the nurse over who claimed she either had to burp or throw up as she opened up her feeding tube, allowing the excess discharge coming from her stomach to rise into the tube.

The rest of my time there I sat sprung over her crib, talking to her, interacting with her, smiling at her, and simply watching her. As I did this, I couldn't help but think of God and His love for us.

I'm not perfect. I'm definitely not perfect. I'm flawed in so many ways. And over and over again Satan plays off of my flaws. He lies to me. He tells me I'm not good enough. He tells me I don't make the cut. He tells me that I'm not complete. But I am complete. I am whole. My heart is resting in the loving hands of my Father and nothing can separate me from His love.

There will be hard times in life. There will be times when life's circumstances seem to suffocate my living and I'll choke. There will be times when I'm scared. There will be times when I have multiple things going on all at once and they may seem more than I can handle. I'll fuss and I’ll cry.

But God continues to watch over me, to talk with me, to interact with me, smile at me, and guide me. Even when I may not have my eyes fixed right back on Him, He remains. He remains by my side and He remains in the very presence of my life. His love remains. He remains.

And as for me. As I sat there hung over the railing of her crib, I couldn't help but notice a sheet of paper hanging on the side of her crib that the little girl's family had filled out. It had a bunch of lists such as "I like to...I don't like to...etc". One list read:

I communicate by screaming, by looking at you, by raising my eyebrows, by falling asleep, by smiling, by grasping fingers, and by reaching towards you.

Yes, I'm the same way. Sometimes I communicate with God by screaming. Sometimes by looking right at Him. Perhaps by falling asleep and resting in Him. Sometimes we smile at each other. Sometimes all I can do is grasp His finger and reach out with all I have towards Him... and then perhaps sometimes it's as simple as an eyebrow raise.

Cheering you on as you come to know the great love of our Father as He forever stands by your side.

May you come to know that the lies of today and days gone past surely fall far from the truth of our redemptive history - a God who will do anything to protect and restore the crown of glory He placed on our souls and a God, who by the power of His love, has made us whole.

Kaylee

Labeled.

2008-05-09T16:13:00.000-07:00

Hello.

For the entirety of yesterday's work day my diet consisted of two enormous brownies - and I must say the best brownies I've ever had; nevertheless, by the end of the day, I had a headache - go figure! Instead of walking home I decided I'd walk to a nearby cafe, get a salad, and write some Christmas cards.

With my food ordered, eaten, and only a few Christmas cards written (oops!) I took my tray to the "tray disposal" area and began dispensing my fork and napkin, and placing the plate into the bin. I glanced over at a kid who had been chit chatting away throughout the entire duration of my visit in the cafe and was still going, just a jibber-jabbering away in his high chair - probably around 3 years of age, loud, and never-ending.

That kid oughta be a preacher someday, I thought, I wonder if his parents tell him that. I wonder if they think the same thing and if they'll raise him telling him that...I wonder what he'll actually be.

As I stood next to this adorable rambling boy it got me thinking about my own life, how growing up there were a million hunches, a million guesstimates, and a million labels of Kaylee and her future. Who I was. Where I was going. These "prophecies" became the definition by which I defined myself - and they came from every element of my childhood and every element of today. Everything and everyone we encounter has a direct affect on our past, on who we are now, and who we aspire to be.

A friend once said to me "You know, when we meet someone we tend to pick up on one or two of their traits and fill up our entire understanding of that person with those couple of traits, but what happens is we fail to see all the other dimensions of that person."

You see, sometimes it's hard for me to let go of the "defined" Kaylee. The Kaylee people assumed I was and figured I would become. Sometimes it held me back. Growing up, all I knew was soccer and music. But as the years have passed I've come to know that there's much more to me than soccer and music.

The irony I'm finding as I write this is that a couple of years ago I asked God to teach me who I was. I figured He'd just tell me that I really liked soccer and music, but as I sit here and write this, I realize that in the past couple of years God has strengthened my strengths and somehow even managed to use my weaknesses. He's brought up new-found interests, knowledge, and experience. You see, the process doesn't stop. We're not limited to what we were yesterday nor who we are sitting here today. Tomorrow brings another day yet to live and grow.

So what is it today that's defined you all these years? What "label" have you, yourself known is untrue and yet have been unable to let go of? What do you want to learn more about? What do you want to grow in? Because the story doesn't end with our childhood labels, the story continues on in a never-ending process to become more like Christ - and in that process we can become the person we maybe never thought possible.

Perhaps, the labels of days past are an affirmation of who you are today, if so, beautiful, but perhaps, they've become a sort of bondage telling you that you're all you're ever going to be - that there's no more to than what you are today. If so, press on. Press on to take hold of all you were created to be and to do. I betcha it's more than you could ever dare to dream. "Yesterday came and went. Like a vapor, it disappeared. But you left something behind yesterday. A piece of yourself, a piece of the legacy you're building. Today, you'll create another piece of it. And tomorrow. And all the tomorrows after that."

Cheering you on as you claim, or perhaps re-name your labels,

May you dream and aspire to be all that you were meant to be.

Kaylee

NDMS...it's a drill.

2008-05-09T16:12:00.000-07:00

Good Afternoon y'all.

Last week my chapter participated in a National Disaster Medical System (NDMS) drill. A few days prior to the drill, while walking to work, I was thinking about the drill. I began to think about how all these teams of people - the Medic, the Fire Department, Red Cross, etc. - were getting together to simulate and prepare for a disaster. As soon as I began thinking the thought, I immediately became overwhelmed as a tear formed in my eye. What? I thought. Why did I just get so overwhelmed with thinking about the drill's execution?

But as I got to thinking about it more; it makes sense, a lot of sense, as to why I was so overwhelmed. The drill; moreover, the theme, the idea, the reason for the drill is beautiful, really. In fact, the drill is a reflection of what this walk here on earth should be like.

At church recently, the pastor addressed the parable of the rich man and Lazarus. Lazarus, a poor man, would just sit there, hoping to catch the rich man's crumbs. When they both passed away Lazarus was up with Abraham and the rich man was "down below." The rich man asked if Lazarus could just dip his finger in some water to cool his tongue. Upon the rejection of that request - since apparently, there is a "barrier" where those in heaven can't venture down to hades and vice versa - he inquired, "Well, at least can you send Lazarus back to warn my brothers so that they don't end up the same way as I?" That request too, was rejected.

The pastor went on to describe how the rich man, even "down below" didn't get it. He still looked at Lazarus like a servant. His riches and power had built a barrier of separation so great that no one could get to him. How on earth he had chosen to live alone, and how now, he had to live eternity in his choosings.

The pastor addressed this parable in numerous dimensions stating that most people would think that this parable is about how Lazarus needed the rich man (and yes, perhaps) but also that maybe, just maybe, the rich man needed Lazarus. In order to keep from building up his wall of separation - his hell - he needed to stay connected. He needed Lazarus so as to not find himself alone. I found this to be quite profound and quite enlightening to say the least; however, the dimension of the parable that I see reflecting as it pertains to the NDMS drill is the part of how on earth he had chosen to live alone, and how now, he had to live eternity in his choosings. He made his own hell on earth and after earth, what remained was what he made.

The parable is sad, yes, as it pertains to the rich man; yet this parable offers so much hope and beauty. We don't have to be the rich man. We get to help bring Heaven to earth. The Kingdom is at hand and we get to live in His ways, receive His mercy and grace, and reflect as best we can the Kingdom in its fullness that is to come. And this? This time on earth...it's a simulation, a drill, a reflection, a gift to prepare as best as we can for our King.

In talking about living a life of holiness, I once heard someone say, "You know, I know the bride always has a choice, but have you ever heard of a bride who didn't want to look beautiful for her groom on their wedding day?"

I remember someone also once said, "So many people don't want to bow to God while on earth. Do they figure once in Heaven the desire will just come naturally? (Okay so I paraphrased that, but that was the gist of it). I remember it struck me that bowing before this Jesus, loving this Jesus, it's a process; moreover, a transformation into His likeness. Yes, of course, according to Revelations every knee will bow down on Heaven and Earth, and below the Earth - and any in betweens that may exist. But a heart after God, a desire to love God, learning to walk in harmony with God, becoming like God - it takes practice, it takes living...it takes a drill.

The most beautiful part of all of this (and probably what it was that first brought that tear to my eye when thinking about it) is that the NDMS is not a compilation of one, it is of many. Many people from different places come together to respond.

This restoration of His Kingdom...it's done one by one, many by many, and all for all. We're not alone.

Cheering you on as you participate in the preparation and practice of the coming of our King. (in a manger, in our day to day messes, and someday, riding on a cloud, shining like the sun).

May today be a day where you choose Heaven, where you choose His ways, where you experience more and more the beauty that is to be had while walking in harmony with God.

Kaylee

In the silence.

2008-05-09T16:11:00.000-07:00

Hi all.

I was driving a Red Cross vehicle today and wanted to listen to some music; however, much to my dismay the radio didn't seem to be working. Realizing that it wasn't an issue of volume or power flow, I let it be for a bit. However, upon a deep and true desire for music, I went back to the control panel and began working on the radio again. No such luck. As I sat there in silence, immobilized at a red light, unable to bring music to my ears, it dawned on me that the situation seemed to be playing out the season of my heart.

Recently, I’ve felt quite far from God. Really far in fact. I can't seem to find Him. I can't hear Him. And I feel empty. It's not a feeling of sadness. It's a feeling of emptiness. This feeling has left me feeling a bit abandoned and most certainly lost. I want to reach out, grab Him, and rope Him into my arms. But I can't seem to. I can't seem to find Him. All I've found is silence. My life is guided by silence right now. I can't find Him within me, above me, behind me, nor before me. He seems out of reach. God is silent.

This season isn't a season of inquisition of His existence or presence in my life. He's here, there, everywhere...but where? I can't find Him.

So what is it? What is it that when in seeking you find silence? What if you want a harmonious melody to sound throughout your life leading you to the next verse or the next chorus, and yet the music won't play? And what if you fear that once the music finally starts, it won't be the song of your request?

What is it?

It's faith. It's being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see, or feel, or hear.

For a while my friend and I had a running list of "Ya know you're getting old when..." Ya know you're getting old when you check out the ring finger before checking out the guy, ha. You know you're getting old when people try to set you up. You know you're getting old when...etc. One of the lines was, you know you're getting old when you actually turn off the radio because you like the silence.

A smile smirks my face as I think about this in my spiritual walk. Silence. I have this desire for the music to play, the beat to sound, and the melody to carry on and yet; I would have to say that it is in the silence that the true definition of my faith is being defined. I believe. Even when I don't feel, see, hear, understand, or comprehend, I believe. I walk through the valley head held high knowing my Savior stands on the other side exuberantly waiting to greet me. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or the tomorrows after that, but one day, some day, I'll collapse into His arms. And all of this. All of this silence? Worth it. And as for today? Ha, you know you're maturing in faith when you face trials of many kinds.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete,
not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

Maybe today you find yourself in a place quite similar to mine. Maybe you've been there far longer than I have been...Press on. Let this season carry on so as to mature and complete you - not lacking anything.

Beautiful, really.

Cheering you on as you press on through mountaintop highs and valley lows.

May His grace be made perfect in your weakness.

Kaylee

Mop girl.

2008-05-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hi all.

Last week I had a meeting to attend uptown (also known as downtown for the rest of us not born and raised here in Charlotte). I climbed up into our enormous Red Cross Suburban and began my venture to the meeting. I think I hit just about every red light. I finally got to the right street only to realize that upon taking the right turn "suggested" by the directions in hand, I was probably heading in the wrong direction. I turned around, stopped and asked for some help. Being informed that it was "right up the street" I decided to park in the closest parking ramp. I drove around and around and around, even attempted to park in the compact car slots in the parking ramp (bad idea) - although so is going around and around in a parking garage in a huge Suburban but you know, I try.

Eventually, I landed myself a nice little spot to park and luckily found myself on an elevator to maneuver me downwards to the street - which only plopped me out on the wrong street. A wonderful man kindly guided me to the street I wanted to be on. I found 735 West Fifth Street and 755 West Fifth Street, but there was no 740 West Fifth Street to be found. I asked around, even called information. I kept thinking to myself, Is this some sort of Harry Potter movie where I just have to run into the brick walls of this building and I'll magically end up on 740 West 5th Street? I didn't try to see if my thinking was true, simply opted out of attending the meeting (rather retrieve the information via email) and began making my way back to the parking garage.

After being turned around and having difficulties even finding the parking garage, I took a sharp 180 turn heading back towards my car's destination, only to have a car quickly jolt on its breaks to keep from hitting me. The driver politely waved me on. I took three steps forward, my arm briskly rising up as it passed my body. As my hand swung up to eye level it came to my attention that my parking ticket was no longer in my hand. Apparently with the swoosh of my arm, so too, was the swoosh disappearance of my ticket (which had only seconds before been in my hand). I began twirling in circles like a dog chasing its tail looking for this "imaginary" ticket (or at least imaginary is what it must have appeared to the driver sitting there watching me). With no luck of finding the ticket, I waved the driver on his way and ventured onward to the parking garage elevator.

Luckily the lady on the elevator on my way down had told me to remember that I was on the butterfly floor. Yes, the butterfly floor. I got off on the butterfly floor, walked all around, and no Red Cross Suburban in sight. I walked up to the centipede floor and down to the ladybug floor and still no suck luck. As I was hopelessly, mopishly, walking around I glanced to the right only to spot the Red Cross Suburban through a window in the cement wall. With the way the garage was set up, if I went up I would go over the suburban and if I went down I would go under. In order to get to the suburban, the only option (that I could tell of) was to climb through the window. I opted into taking that option, hiked up my pink cotton skirt, and scaled the cement wall with my pink rubber rain goulashes, climbed over the window sill, and dropped myself down onto a nearby vehicle, with fingers-crossed that I wouldn't set off the car alarm.

Down I went, floor by floor. Squeezing my way downwards past all the other cars going upward (seems to be that most of the morning traffic was arriving to work not leaving...go-figure). I thankfully, and successfully, made it to the bottom floor to read: Lost Parking Ticket Go to Cashier Floor. I turn around. Head back up. I get to the cashier, state my issue. He says, "lost ticket, $10" as he scrolls his eyes downward to a sign that reads, "Lost ticket $10." I ask if they accepted credit cards. He said, "No." As I began scrolling through my purse (really to serve as a hiatus in talking with him, as I stalled in hopes that he would reconsider the amount owed) He then let up the gate. I began to say something to the effect of, "Well, are you suuu." - He closed the window on my face...and away I drove.

Yesterday, I had a situation where a landlord attacked both my character and my work abilities. Though I had the support of my supervisor and my supervisor's supervisor, by the end of the day I had still managed to leave a small pool of tears at my desk.

Dry-eyed, I left work for a brief stop at home to put on my "Keg Patrol" tee shirt and jeans and make my way over to the Red Hot Turkey Trot Fundraiser for Red Cross. Upon my arrival, I find out that the Turkey Trot is not a run (though that's what it is for me back home. Thanksgiving we do a turkey trot, Easter is our bunny hop, ha). Anyway, this Turkey Trot was not a run. It was an extremely formal event and I found myself in jeans and hiking boots. (It was raining. I figured I was pretty smart gearing all up for the bad weather as I thought the event would be held in outdoor tents). No, it was held in the lobby of one of the finest buildings in uptown. No big deal, a little out of place, but just a minor detail as there were a few other "Keg Patrol" volunteers dressed in similar out-of-place outfits. Problem though, I don't end up doing Keg Patrol. Rather, they ask if they can shift my assigned volunteered position and send me to the will call table. So I sit, with all these beautiful (beautifully dressed up) people walking in, taking will call tickets.

After a while, the incoming flow of guests had dissipated and I decided to go scope out the place. I travel down the elevators, make my way around, and am asked to find a mop. No biggie! I find a mop. As it drips a bit I decide to take the yellow rolling bucket with me as well. I push my way through the sardine, nicely-dressed, gathering of people and mop up a few drops of water. As I began rolling my way back with the mop and bucket I run into the CEO of our Red Cross Chapter. I quietly commented something about "gotta love the mop ha ha." As the CEO passed by, just enough to be behind me about a foot, I gallantly dumped the yellow bucket of water onto the floor hitting many of the guests with a wave of water. With gallons of water gushing about, hitting every person within a 20 foot radius and girls screaming and jumping up out of the way in their nice little outfits, I'm pretty sure Lake Michigan and all of its entirety was strewn about the floor at that moment. And I'm pretty sure this must have caused a ripple effect of motion throughout the massively populated area. My mop, being completely soaked served only as a way of spreading the water about, splashing the people even more. A few minutes later as I sat there head down, mopping up my mess, a rescue crew arrived to finish cleaning up the disaster. Ha, I'm pretty sure the Red Cross operates on disaster prevention and preparedness. Not sure how much I helped out the Red Cross mission.

So why am I sharing this? Besides the fact that I'm hoping that you can perhaps get a slight chuckle out of my embarrassing and quite horrific situation? Because at the end of the night I was able to call my mom and have a really good hard laugh about it all - I'm living for something more than prestige and power. I'm living to live life abundantly.

Life is crazy. It's frustrating. It's confusing. It's difficult. Sometimes it's black. Sometimes it's white. Sometimes it offers situations that are a million shades of grey. Relationships aren't perfect, as demonstrated by my situation with the landlord. Moments don't go as planned. Things change. But at the end of the day, God is, was, and is to come. His faithfulness endures forever. Morning will come. This too shall pass. God is good.

And, speaking of good. The good news is, morning did come, and we had a farewell breakfast for one of our employees. Everyone, including the CEO had a good hard laugh at "mop girl."

So whatever it is today that has you feeling like you don't make the cut, embarrassed, frustrated, feelings of failure, anger...let go and live in it all. Live every moment, even the unexpected, unpleasant ones. Live the emotions life entails. Live it all anyway.

Cheering you on with an empty bucket of water in yesterday's past, laughs for today, and hope for tomorrow.

May you live each moment of your life.

Kaylee

Kickin' it back in a hammock.

2008-05-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

Hi all.

It's been a while. I've been a bit busy. The past few weeks I've been in Texas, Michigan, the mountains of North Carolina, and of course, home away from home right here in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Moving on...

The other day I was on the phone with one of my friends who also recently moved away from the beautiful landscapes of West Michigan.

"I can't find Him," I exclaimed. "I can't find God."

She then proclaimed, "Yea, but I'd rather be where you're at. These days I just forget about Him. I feel like I just left God in West Michigan. Sure, I remember Him on Sundays, or when I talk with you or a few of my other friends. But I don't remember Him. I don't think of Him throughout the week or within my day."

Ha, we argued back and forth for a bit as to who really had it worse off. Me, crying out, lost, just hoping to hear Him, feel Him; nonetheless, completely and totally frustrated with it all. Or her, simply negligent to His existence, but really overall, fine in life. Day in and day out, she's good.

By the end of the conversation, I just had to start laughing. I told my friend. "You know, I feel like we're on this Island. Both lost. I'm running around in circles. Running. Running. Running. Hands up in the air, frantically inquiring, whudda we gonna do? Whudda we gonna do? Whudda we gonna do God? Meanwhile, my friend is kicked back in a hammock, soda in hand. Again, me, running around in circles. Perhaps, we could even picture me running circles around my friend, and my friend, feet up, no apparent worries.

So I suppose we really could argue who has it worse off...me? Upset. Her? Upset that's she's not upset. But really, we're both lost in our own way.

Perhaps life is like an island. Yes, eventually a ship will sail towards home, but that's not right now. Right now there's a whole island of adventure to be explored. My friend and I are both missing out. My friend kicked back in a hammock is missing out on all the other parts of the island and all the other adventures God has to take her on. And me? I'm so frantically running about that I'm missing the world as it passes me by. If my friend would get off the hammock, she would see all that is around her, all that God wants to show her. And perhaps, if I actually took a moment and attempted to look at the hammock, even contemplate sitting on it, I could just rest a while. Maybe I just might feel the sunshine on my face. I might just feel God; I might just hear Him whisper sweet words of love in my ear.

But how do we do this? How do find a balance of actively pursuing God and yet rest in His faithfulness and goodness at the same time? I'm not really all too sure. I know He has a whole world of adventures, sights, and journeys to take us on, and yet, He doesn't want us to wind up face first in the dirt while we do it.

Trust perhaps. Perhaps we just trust that despite our own understanding, despite whatever season we're in, that it's all part of the adventure and it's all part of the process. Life is a process. We continue on. Sometimes we press forward, forgetting what is behind and sometimes we press upward, we press up and above our own understanding of the circumstance and we rejoice. We rejoice in what is...even if not what expected. We rejoice in what is to come both in this moment, the rest of today, tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after that.

Some day the ship will sail, but the breeze is blowing now, the sun was shining yesterday, is shining today, and will shine tomorrow. Treasures are buried waiting to be found. Butterflies are dancing around you. The adventure is at hand. Enjoy.

Cheering you on as you come to seek harder than you've ever sought before, and yet rest more than you've ever rested your whole life through.

May trust, perseverance, and joy fill your day.

Kaylee

Carry each other.

2008-05-09T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hi from the South.

My brother is an amazing triathlete and my sister, quite the runner. I figured it was about time I too, got involved in athletic endeavors so this summer I signed up for my first 5k. Figured it would be fun seeing as a group of fellow friends from my church were also running.

We arrived downtown Grand Rapids. When it came time to line up for the "Get Mark, Get Set, Go," I discovered that these races are extremely organized. They had signs that were held so that one could start with runners who ran a similar pace. I don't typically keep any sort of track of how fast I run - think I'd depress myself with the time, ha ha. But I remembered my sister timing us earlier that summer and she said, "eh, good, we're around an 8:00 minute mile pace.” So what did I decide? I decided that hey, I'll just start with the 7:30/minute mile pacers so that I'm challenged. What a great idea that was! I took off running the race, surrounded by hundreds of people, who were much faster than I, or at the very least, were in much better shape than I.

I'll admit, some people passed me.

But there were times that I, when really lucky, managed to pass a few people. (Oh, and I have to mention that there was a group of girls all dressed up the same, yelling cheers as we ran past. It was great!)

About half-way through I realized I had been pushing myself a bit too hard. (I know, I know, it was only a 5k but I wasn't in all that good of shape to start with). Somehow I just kept running.

I crossed the finish line with an amazing time - for me that is. I somehow managed to run faster, stronger, and harder than ever before. And what's so amazing to me is that I felt like I was being carried. My speed and velocity were guided by, fed by, and led by my fellow runners. It was an energy I've never felt before. I didn't feel like I was running, I felt like I was floating. And when the moment came that I felt I couldn't run anymore...the energy and determination of all the other runners; the spirit of the race is what kept me pressing on.

I share all this because it's such a beautiful representation of our race with Christ.

We were made to live in community. We were made to run this race together, and in doing so we channel great amounts of energy and perseverance to each other. I'm not pointing out the literal racing part of the 5k. Who won is irrelevant to the ways of Christ. What is relevant is that we finish. That we all finish. In our lives we will be surrounded by a multitude of differences as well as commonalities...and somehow, in the beautiful workings of God, living in community allows us to carry each other in complete complement to each of our abilities.

I heard a message taught on this at church once. Loved it! I thought it was beautiful to see a representation of it all played out on a Saturday morning race.

Cheering you on as you run your race with Christ.

May you carry when you can carry and may you be carried when you need to be carried.

Kaylee

Flying.

2008-05-09T16:07:00.001-07:00

Hello.

This past weekend I was in Chicago for a wedding. In the airport on the way down I was talking with one of my friends. He asked me if I liked flying to which I responded, "I don't always particularly like the taking off and landing part, but I like being up in the clouds."

This trip was no exception. I, once again, did not particularly enjoy the take offs; however, my flight home was incredible.

I took my seat on the plane. Buckled myself in. The plane started to move and elevate off the ground. I could see everything below me. Then, clouds surrounded the plane and I couldn't see anything, but then....we rose above the clouds and I saw the most beautiful, absolutely beautiful view. I can't explain it. I really can't. Words wouldn't give it all justice to the beauty and clarity that I saw. I felt as if my world had been expanded ten times over and my breath was taken away. Deep, deep awe rested on that moment - and the moments that followed. I sat and stared out the window...completely captivated by what I saw and felt.

This past summer I wrote a song. Part of the lyrics read:

Waiting, I'm waiting
But I've never waited like this before
Cause I'm learning how to breathe
Resting in His peace
Finding my wings
Preparing to fly
...while I wait.

This whole experience down in Charlotte, North Carolina has been incredible, but it was a rough start. I couldn't help but think that this flight back to Charlotte was a beautiful representation of a life in Christ. There are times we wait, we wait on Him, to hear Him, to be restored by Him, to seek Him, to find rest in Him. We simply wait. But then He calls. He calls us to action, to take flight. I'm not sure what I expected everything to be like when I wrote this song, what the "flight" would actually look and feel like. Something beautiful I suppose.

But it didn't all seem beautiful as I took off. It wasn't at all like I had planned, nor what I expected. I struggled a lot and my vision was cloudy. But the clouds are breaking free and so am I.

Day by day, year by year, season to season, chapter to chapter, God takes our souls and our beings out flying - through adventures, through opportunities, through work environments, through our interactions, through our children, through our family, through our friends. He takes us flying. He takes us on adventures.

If God is calling you to wait, to wait on Him, then wait. Perhaps it would help to keep in mind that waiting isn't putting your life on hold, it's simply waiting. For me personally, I've come to love my time of waiting because I seem to rest best in Him during my times of waiting - I may be anxious to know what the next step is but I still find waiting a time where my heart finds much rest.

And If you're taking off, remember the "flight" might have a bumpy start, confusion and cloudiness may set in. Goodness knows, turbulence may even last the entire flight through, but fly....fly because when you get through the cloudiness of confusion, when you break through, your breath will be taken away by the beauty of our author's plan.

Wherever you find yourself in the flight, simply rejoice. Rejoice that His plans are far greater than we could dare to dream. They are to prosper and not to harm us. They are breath-taking.

If someone were to ask me if I liked what it meant to be a servant of Christ, I suppose my response would be quite similar to that I gave my friend, "I don't always particularly like the taking off and the landing part, but I love it when I'm soaring and I love it when I'm resting."

Cheering you on as your adventures continue.

May you find beauty and may you find rest.

Kaylee

Taking the fight out of the enemy.

2008-05-09T16:05:00.000-07:00

Hi There.

I must first draw attention to a spelling blooper I made yesterday. I accidentally wrote drewel instead of drool which okay, funny, I misspelled the word. (And you know, I remember I kept looking at the word and thinking it looked funny but just couldn't put my finger on what was wrong with it - perhaps spell check would have been a wise choice, ha). But I realized this morning it's spelled drool, not drewel. I laughed so hard. It may not seem as if it's a big deal, but for those of you who don't know, I had a professor in college who was really life-changing. She challenged me and presented me with ideas and materials that really have shaped my life. Her name? Professor Christine Drewel and best yet --- I send her these emails. So, basically, I inserted the name of the teacher who I hold in the highest respect and regards in the place of the word drool...how embarrassing!

So Professor Drewel, my sincerest apologies for my spelling blooper yesterday. I know you're probably having a good hard laugh at all of this yourself. Good thing you weren't my spelling teacher because then it would have been a double whammy...ha.

Anyway, let's move on...for my sake...

One of my friends, Slade Searight, wrote me the other day. He wrapped his email up with this story. It's so beautiful and inspirational I just had to share it:

I'll leave you with this...while in training to be a Special Agent in Virginia, we were beaten down again and again and again and again. They ran us until they knew we would pass out or throw up. They made us fight one another during defensive tactics training to the point of being knocked out. We were bruised, cut, broken and bleeding. Do you know what the point of all this was?

To see who would get up.

"Where are my quitters?" The lead instructors would yell this constantly during the first couple weeks. "Just raise your hand, and it will all be over. We'll even give you a nice meal and all the water you can drink while the rest of these people suffer. Who has had enough?" After the first couple miles, everyone's a tough guy. But, after mile 8, and 200 push ups, and enough sit ups to make you feel like vomiting, and being forced to swim across a lake and then roll in sand...a nice meal and all the water one can drink starts to sound real nice. It's inevitable...there are always a few who raise their hand. It's designed that way. The promise is kept; they are given a nice meal, all the water they want, and they are given about 2 hours to pack their bags until the bus arrives to take them to the airport. They chose to give in...and it was the easiest thing in the world to do.
In my case, it was expected. All the instructors knew that I was in seminary, of all places, before coming to the academy. They didn't think I'd make it 2 seconds, this religious Christian wimp from Michigan. What they didn't know was that I had military experience. That, more importantly, I was a soldier in Jesus' revolution. That I wasn't going to quit, no matter how tough it got, because I felt so strongly that God was proud of me to be taking on this job, certainly a road less traveled. Eventually, I earned the respect of the instructors and my classmates, and the Christian seminary student was voted to be the class speaker at graduation. Evil got in some licks, but I got up...again and again. I will NEVER stay down. I will always get back up. I invite you to do the same, pretty girl. No matter what, get up. If you need help, ask and I will help you get up. Lord knows I have needed help getting up time and time again. Never, ever stay down and let evil smirk at you. No matter how much it hurts, keep getting up...it will take the fight out of the enemy, even if you don't have anything left to throw at him.

- Me

Beautiful...

Cheering you on as you find yourself pressing on.

May you find yourself getting up again and again and again....and then...again.

Kaylee

Rest your body on an air mattress, Rest your soul on God.

2008-05-09T16:02:00.002-07:00

Hello.

I know, you know, we all know...I sleep on an air mattress. And yes, for whatever reason I seem to find utter satisfaction in the fact that every night I, Kaylee Marie Hendrickson, find myself sleeping on an air mattress. I do, I seem to find some sort of pride and satisfaction out of it. I suppose I must admit that for whatever reason it's sacred to me. Ha, okay so maybe sacred is a bit much in describing the location of where my drewel falls at night but really, I think that sleeping on an air mattress has much more signifance in my life than simply a lousy night of sleep. It reminds me to live life simply. It reminds me that I don't need more. It reminds me that I am truly blessed. So yes, I suppose sacred. To me, sleeping on an air mattress is sacred. I feel the need to add in here that it's a deluxe air mattress...yes, deluxe. It has this whole thing that lifts it up off the floor. Truly beautiful and truly quite the luxury should I find myself engulfed upon a camping expedition in the up and coming future.

Okay okay, air mattress, sacred experience. Moving on.

Though it may be a sacred experience it is also a very crappy experience. Every morning I wake up ridiculously freezing, particularly my toes. (I honestly think that it's because my air mattress rests itself on a slant due to the make up of my room. This allots for the blood to flow to my head and not to my toes, ha ha. Hence, I wake up freezing, painfully freezing. Though I have found it as a handy technique for not hitting snooze too many times as I find myself sprinting to the hopeful knowledge of a hot shower.

I'd like to note here that my air mattress is a double-wide. It's big...huge...lots of room to move around...and yet, I only sleep on half of it. I tend to curl up in the top left-hand corner. I'm never truly comfortable and I don't end up sleeping in the typical comfortable positions I've slept in for the past 22 years of my life.

So, the other night I was lying on this oh-so-wonderful air mattress and I couldn't get comfortable. I was freezing and restless. I got to the point where I began to think that I was never going to be able to warm up, get comfortable, and fall sleep.

For whatever reason, I began sinking in towards the middle of the mattress. ahhh, so much more comfortable. A little bit later I was finally so cold I pulled the sheet out from under me and grabbed the blanket I had below (which I know, why hadn't I used it before on all those cold nights?...because, cost/opportunity, or something like that. I thought the cost of being cold outweighed the opportunity to be comfortable?...I finally concealed and ripped off the sheet, grabbed the blankets underneath, threw my pillows in the middle, and climbed into bed.

The past two nights have been the warmest and most comfortable nights since my arrival in Charlotte - besides those couple of nights I house sat for a dear friend and landed myself what seemed a cloud of blessings to sleep on, ha ha.

The thing is that in this whole little bit I realized how much my air mattress represented my heart. The past couple of months have been incredibly hard...lonely...confusing...difficult, and I've found myself curled up in my own little corner. Not wanting to move. Frozen. Even perhaps numb. Really, to be completely honest...I really just felt dead. As I sunk into my air mattress and as my body began to release itself, I realized how much my heart was starting to do the same. It's starting to ease up. It's starting to breathe. And just how the blankets warmed me up, so too, has God been my strength when all I have is weakness to offer. I don't know what made me finally sink into the air mattress. I could have all along but I didn't. I was too hidden in my corner of the mattress. I don't know why it has taken until now to see with eyes wide open the beautiful saving hand of my Father. But I am. I'm sinking into Him. He's comforting my heart and warming my soul. And me? I'm finding rest.

So what is it? What is it that has you cornered up, cold, and unable to find rest?

May you hope. Hope in Him who, in our incredibly great weaknesses, reaches deep down into our lives and brings restoration, in His timing and working it for good.

Cheering you on as you seek to find the areas of your life that have you cornered up, bitter, angry, frustrated, numb, confused, empty.

May you hope in your inability to save yourself and rest in His ability to save your all in accordance to His perfect will.

Kaylee

A life of gratitude.

2008-05-09T16:02:00.001-07:00

Hi Y'all.

Casework Management Coordinator....Mouthful to say, but that's my job title.

As caseworker, I work with clients after a disaster. I issue additional financial assistance for food and clothing. I make hotel extensions. I give referrals for clothing and furniture. I handle the necessary paperwork needed to provide rent assistance and security deposit assistance. Yes, that's right. Free money. Free food. Free assistance. It's beautiful.

But one thing I've noticed in dealing with the clients is that each client has their own response to Red Cross assistance. Some are prideful and struggle to accept help. Some demand our help. Some become enraged that we are unable to help in the ways they expect. And some, well some, jump into my arms giving me hugs and praise and then continue on their way out the door as they begin to dance in the parking lot - it's true! And some, remain in awe, completely humbled.

But it's difficult. Casework is difficult. I have to consistently use discernment when dealing with clients. What do they need? What are they responsible enough to handle right now? In giving them financial assistance, am I helping or am I simply enabling a greater problem at hand; perhaps a lack in personal motivation and responsibility, reliability? Do they want to get back on their feet or are they simply "abusing the system." It's difficult. Extremely difficult. It takes a lot of time and energy to help our clients and to help them in the best way possible. But I do. I am committed to supporting, encouraging, and enabling our clients to live life to the fullest.

And it's frustrating. It's frustrating when someone demands something from you. It's frustrating when they don't understand that you cannot and perhaps should not, assist them in the ways that they want. But oh, how absolutely incredibly amazing it is when a client offers gratitude.

So I have to wonder...Do I treat God like that? How do I respond to God? Am I too proud to accept His help? His grace? His blessings? Do I try to do it on my own? Why do I get so angry when God doesn't answer me in the ways that I expect or the ways that I want? Why do I fail to trust that He's giving and taking away in accordance to His perfect will? And why do I demand things from Him? Do I not trust that in His perfect timing, in His perfect ways, He's working for good?

Gratitude. Why is gratitude not the first thing pouring from my lips as I wake and in the last breath I exhale at night? Why do I not look at every good and perfect thing in my life as a blessing, not as what I deserve, but as a blessing, a true blessing, a gift? Why do I not remain in a constant state of awe at the grace in abundance poured on my life?

Grace. Forgiveness. Strength. Love. Faithfulness. Joy. Peace. Kindness. Mercy. Patience. Goodness. Self-Control. Wisdom. Provisions.

Thanks be to God for all the blessings and gifts that He pours down on me daily. May my life be that of living gratitude; shown in the words that I speak, the things that I do, in the people I love, and in the way that I live,

Cheering you on as you celebrate today, the great gracious blessings that flow from our Father onto and into our hearts.

May showers of blessings fill your day as well as your heart.

Kaylee

Play upon me.

2008-05-09T16:01:00.000-07:00

Greetings from the South.

I love music. I love it so much. I used to have a choir teacher who said she wished that life was like the opening of the Drew Carey show, that is, if there was a theme song to a moment that we'd sing it, dance it, run through life performing it.

So maybe that's a bit extreme (though I'm not going to lie, I'd love it if life was one big gigantic musical, oh how beautiful that would be) but really, she was on to something here. As I've mentioned before, I walk to work. Every day I walk to work. I like it. In fact, I like it a lot! But I have to be honest and say that I enjoy the walk even more ever since my mom sent my ipod that she recently got fixed for me (thanks, Mom).

So I walk to work...every day....ipod on...(sometimes if you're lucky, you may even catch me walking with a hip-hop in my step)

So I have this music in the background, right? And somehow everything is just that much more beautiful. I'll be just walking right along, land myself beneath a tree and find myself simply in awe, in awe of God's creation, in awe of all His great designs. I passed a squirrel the other day climbing right along and I felt like Sleeping Beauty when she finds herself out in the woods by herself for the first time! Ha, no really, somehow music makes me feel that much more connected....I smell things sweeter, I feel things deeper. Even the breeze becomes so overwhelmingly beautiful that I literally want to fall flat on my knees in worship right there on the sidewalk.

In general, I like soaking things in; however, somehow everything is that much more enhanced by the presence of music.

In walking to work the other day, I was reminded of how intricately reflective music is of Christ and in living the way of Christ.

For those of you who don't know too much about music; in music, there is something called the melody (this would be what you find yourself full-heartedly singing to along with the radio as you drive down the road or stand in the shower). Then there is something called the harmony. These are the notes that "complement" the melody. They make the piece that much more beautiful.

So the more I get to thinking, I'm thinking that God is like the grand melody and we are the harmonies. Alone, harmonies may or may not seem all that interesting, but put together with all the other harmonies and alongside the melody...ah, true music to thy ears is what you get!

You see, this story is not about us. It's about Him. He is the divine melody. We (and how great is this) get to be the harmonies. He uses us to embellish, enhance, gradiositize (okay so that's not a word) but you get my drift. We get to help make the song better.

And I'll admit that it took me a while to learn this but, as most of you know, I simply love music and used to just dream of singing on stage. It got to a point where I realized that if I sang for one person who heard what needed to be heard in the journey, then I would have used my gifts and talents wisely. When I realized this and realized that God may use me for other things besides music (though who knows what's in store) I began asking God if my life could be a harmony to His melody.

Moreover, I used to think about all of our stories playing together at once...how they may, at times, seem like ruckus rather than inspirational tunes (ha). And, yet, I used to imagine that all of our stories, throughout history, current at hand, and stories yet to come, together, must play out the most beautiful, beautifully orchestrated piece up in Heaven.

And what I love the absolute most is that sometimes in music, there can be an overtone. Have you ever heard of an overtone? It's something along the lines of when all the notes are sung/played in perfect pitch, there is a note that becomes audible. No one is singing this note. It just is a result of these other notes. Let me repeat, no one sings it, and yet in compilation of all these notes sung together in the way they were supposed to be sung (because yes, it is difficult to perfectly sing a note) another note exists.

Ahh, beautiful! When our hands and feet become in tune to the ways of Christ, when we walk in (ah-ha) harmony, when we walk in harmony with God, there is this "overtone," perhaps, God present, is what I'm looking to say. When we become the harmony to the divine melody, it is our destiny, and it is the music in which the Holy Spirit dances. It is us, being His hands and feet. We become His reflection! His harmonious reflection!

So I wonder, what does my harmony look like? Am I living so as to create an “overtone?” And do I find rest knowing that my story (no matter how much it may seem like ruckus) is part of a beautiful orchestrated piece?

Cheering you on in this dress-rehearsal.

May each moment fill your heart with excitement for the "Big Show!" - Sorry wow, this is getting a bit too cheesy even for me!

Kaylee

I have a file.

2008-05-09T16:00:00.003-07:00

Good Afternoon.

I have a file. I do. I have a file here at the American Red Cross. It contains all sorts of information about me. I didn't know I had a file until the other day when I was looking to do some more organizing and I found files. Upon inquiring about these files I found out that I, myself, have a file - and that I could look at it if I wanted. Of course, I wanted to see what people have filed about me so I cracked open the file. I started reviewing a piece of paper which stated some of my medical information. It stated that I had extreme emotional stress and lifting limitations. Below that was checked a box that stated to “restrict hardship.”

I began to laugh. Well of course, lifting limitations. I can't do one single push-up ha. But what I found to be incredibly humorous was the fact that my "file" stated that I should be restricted from hardship...and......I'm......the......caseworker. I suppose they figured if they couldn't get me to stop crying they'd just have me join in with the clients, ha ha.

No no, but humorous no? I mean my file claims I have weaknesses, weaknesses that yield limitations, and yet my weaknesses seem to be my strengths here at American Red Cross. My heart may emotionally take on the given situations I find myself surrounded by, and though not always easy, not always what seems ideal, it is quite ideal when working with people who need someone to feel with them, for them, right alongside them. Restricted from hardship? Hmmm.

I remember the first year I volunteered with fifth and sixth graders. The leader of the program taught the volunteers something. He said that if Johnny is beating up someone ask him why he's doing it. Try to get him to figure it out. Try to get him to realize that he has strength. He has strength not so that he can beat a brother up but to defend him....beautiful!

I have extreme emotional stress (or so that's what my files states), lifting limitations as well, ha, and lots of other things that make me, me. I have extreme amounts of energy which used to amount into high levels of anxiety but I've learned to channel my energy towards being extremely organized and productive. I've learned that anything (talents, abilities, gifts, strengths, weakness) can be used in two ways - to glorify God or to not glorify God. For me, it's taking what the world may diagnose, criticize, or label as a weakness and allowing God to use it as a "strength" - in whatever way He desires.

You see, we each have our own "file." We may not like exactly what the file contains, we may wish it was different, we may even wish we could swap files, but I guarantee you, your file is beautiful and it contains all that God wanted it to contain. Our weaknesses are made perfect in Him, through His strength - and of course, in His time.

And just so you know, I stink at math. I always have and always will. When it comes to math, my file reads "bad at it." So I want to make clear here that I'm not saying that if you're bad at math, if you offer it to God, you'll become good at it. Ha, I suppose you could; in Him all things are possible – even drastic improvements in mathematical abilities.

But what I'm trying to say is, love your file. Love the you, you were designed to be - weaknesses and all. So often the world's standards tell us that we're not good enough. That since we're wired, designed, and operating under a certain stigma we are incapable of certain tasks, responsibilities, and opportunities....but God doesn't label us, voiding out certain "files" that seem outdated and less efficient.

So what is it today that you find serving as your weakness? As your struggle? What makes you feel that you are incompetent, unworthy, undesirable? How could it be channeled for good? God seeks for His hands and feet to be strong in us and through us. The story only gets more beautiful when He does this through our weaknesses.

But guys, most importantly, rest...rest in His faithfulness, in His goodness, and in His perfect design of you, beautiful file and all!

Cheering you on as you search your file.

May it be filled with all sorts of unique and beautiful fingerprints of our never-ending creative Father.

Kaylee

Library of people.

2008-05-09T16:00:00.001-07:00

Hello.

As mentioned before, I don't have a lot of money and seeing as I moved my life down here in my little Nissan Sentra, I don't particularly have the most elaborately decorated townhouse. In fact, as a humorous side note, as of now, my living room consists of this enormous dining room table with two tiny short bar stools as its companion for seating, a television (that is partially melted because months ago I left my flat iron on it and melted the thing…oops!), a couple of random lamps, and a purple wicker chair...yes, purple, and yes, a chair, not a couch meaning only one person can sit. But it's my townhouse, full of simplicity...and I just love it.

My bedroom...my bedroom has an air mattress that I sleep on, a cross on the wall, and then, a bookcase. The bookcase is actually what I've been trying to get at. You see, I have some books. Not too many, but some. To be honest, I'm sort of a book hog. I like my books. And to be even more honest, I don't even have that many, but I'm proud of the ones I do have. I might even shamefully admit that sometimes I even sit and count them - I know, sounds extremely pathetic, and it probably is; but, for whatever reason, I get some sort of odd satisfaction knowing how much information my brain has encountered.

Anyway, I have placed each one of my books on my bookcase, exactly where I want each book to be. In fact, and some of you may know, but I'm a bit of an extremist when it comes to organization. My bookcase is just perfect! It’s set-up just the way I want it and just the way I like it!

But little did I know that my life was being played out with my bookshelf and book organizing obsession. You see, recently I've had a total shift in my world-perspective, a total shift in my understanding of a God bigger than me.

I am Casework Management Coordinator here at American Red Cross, so daily I work with people from all different backgrounds, cultures, and areas of the world. Daily, I hear their stories. Daily, I'm coming to realize that this world of ours is really big.

And I am very, very small. I can barely begin to attempt to understand everything going on, good and bad. I can barely wonder why and how things happen. For me to be in control would be a very scary thing, but for years I have tried to control this world in which I live. But I simply cannot control this world. It's too big. But it's not too big for God and God is in control. And to realize that there is a God big enough to be in control, to know that He's the same in West Michigan as He is in Charlotte, to know that it isn't always about having an answer as to why things happen or asking Him to place certain things a certain way. But to know, to trust, that upon whatever we're led to and through, He'll be working for our good. I can't even begin to grasp how beautiful I'm finding this all to be.

So I've come to find that I can't just place God in my life like I place books on my bookshelf. In fact, I shouldn't be placing things at all. I am not the bookkeeper; I am simply a book. I am a story, a story surrounded by a million other stories. And I am just one. One book...one story, placed on the shelf just ever-so-gently, ever-so-knowingly, ever-so-accordingly to be part of the greatest story of all.

So this world...it isn't simply about a tiny little bookshelf in my room, it's much more beautiful than that. It's a Library of People.

Cheering you on as the story continues to press on.

May you find rest in the place the Father so lovingly has placed you today.

Kaylee

Flowershop invitation.

2008-05-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

Hello Again.

So I live about 7 blocks (or .7 miles) from work. Given the fact that there are limited funds coming into my bank account and the fact that 7 blocks really isn't all that far, I feel it would be simply silly and quite irresponsible to drive to work; therefore, I walk. It's a lovely thing - to start your morning off with fresh air, blood flow, and some quiet time. I find it lends itself to a great way to "prepare" for the day...Now, the walk home is a whole 'nother story; eh just kidding, the walk home serves as a stress reliever which that, too, is a very beautiful thing, sort of necessity, if you will.

Seeing as I've been here about a month and the fact that I often have additional training on Saturdays means that I have completed this walk numerous times. On this walk, I pass by a floral shop. It appears quite quaint and more than anything it radiates of enchantment. For whatever reason I have this overwhelming desire to step into the floral shop. The shop sticks out far above the other shops I pass. It could be because of it's location. It's closer than the other businesses that I pass (the Bi-Lo Grocery store, in particular, sets itself back a few hundred yards. And I must admit, I have found myself in the Bi-Lo oh too many times since my arrival to Charlotte, ha).

I walked past the floral shop the other day and once again found myself completely enchanted by this little shop. I wanted to step into it so badly. I feel invited by it....I'm not exactly sure why I haven't stepped in yet. Perhaps, I don't really have the time, nor make the time. Perhaps, it's because I don't have the money to buy flowers so I feel as if I don't belong in the store. I mean people don't typically really want to help you unless you're going to purchase something. So I suppose that would lend me more as a nuisance. The thing is though, I really want to go into this floral shop. I haven't made it in yet but I have this feeling if I did, I would meet the most wonderful people. I just have this feeling it would be so. And I bet the aroma is magnificent! (hmm, with a smile on my face I take a deep breath as I write this, just imagining the beautiful smells).

As I passed it this time round I thought, if my heart is awakened this much by such an adorable place, God must be in this. So I got to thinking.

This floral shop was enticing. It was something I wanted to explore, to know more about. What do I, as a Christian look like...Am I like this floral shop? Do people see me and feel compelled to know more, learn more, explore more? Does my life sing of adventure, life abundant, and enchantment?

I'm wondering if it's possible for Christians to look like this floral shop...are we immersed into communities...into loving people? Or are we set back, waiting for people to come to us? And when we do immerse ourselves are we filled with mystery, glory, and love? Does our living offer a sort of enticing appeal? Call it an invitation? Do people want to step in and see what we have to offer? And, even more, are we welcoming those who step in? Because I'm thinking that a lot of people feel the way I feel walking past the floral shop wondering; What do I have to offer? What if I just want to explore this Jesus, look around a bit, you know? Am I, I mean, are we, living a life aware of those around us, are we welcoming them into our lives, into our stories regardless of their relational "status" with Christ? Because if not, then something is not quite right, not quite right at all.

I haven't found a church to attend yet down here in Charlotte, though I've visited a few. The first week down here was a bit difficult. I felt like this God of mine was only recognized in West Michigan. I felt a bit lonely in my faith. I remember hearing one time about this lady who went to church over and over again, yet didn't necessarily consider herself a Christian. Upon the inquiry of as to why she kept attending she simply stated, "because I loved the smell." Apparently, there was a sweet smell in the building of the church.

I remember hearing this story and thinking, I want to smell Christ. I want to smell Him. Oh, how beautiful, I thought. My first visit to a church down here blessed me with the sweet fragrances of Christ and community. Though the church I visited will not be where I attend regularly, there was a scent, a familiar scent, different denomination than growing up, but same scent - and being far from home, I somehow felt home. I'm not sure if it was the "sense" of community, scents, get it? (ha, okay sorry) or simply Christ. Whatever it was, I smelled something there, something I smelled all growing up and something I must tend to smell when I am aware of Christ's presence. (oh as a disclaimer, there is the off chance that this smell of the church could be attributed to all the old men's cologne phew-eee! haha).

But just as I bet this floral shop would be sweet fragrances to my sense of smell, so too, should our living be that of sweet aromas pleasing to Christ and to those we encounter.

Oh, and I haven't even mentioned the best part. The name of this floral shop? The Blossom Shop. How great is that! Through Christ we blossom into something beautiful! Of course, how perfect!

Cheering you on as you immerse yourselves amongst the world, reflecting life of adventure and enchantment as you, through your daily living, release pleasing aromas to the Father.

May you find yourselves blossoming into something a bit more like Christ every day.

Kaylee

Structure out of chaos.

2008-05-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

Good Afternoon Y'all.

First of all, I must say, since moving down south I'm truly fascinated with the fact that people truly do say y’all and I'm informed that all y'alls is the plural of y'all. How great is that! My goal for the next year that I'm down here is to correctly use the word y'all in a sentence, in the correct context, and in sure flow of conversation, meaning that I don't force myself to say it. It'll just come out. I figure once that happens I can consider myself a true southerner, ha!

I currently find myself living in Charlotte, NC. I am serving 10.5 months in the AmeriCorps working as the Casework Management Coordinator for American Red Cross - and I love it all! I could sing wonders for days pertaining to the wonderful, interesting, broken, hurting, devastated, and most importantly beautiful, beautiful clients I get to help. Ah, but that would take days, so saying that I love it all will have to suffice for now in regards to summarizing my experience thus far.

Moving on, structure out of chaos.

I was out doing some errands the other day. As we all know summer is the time for road construction. I feel completely surrounded by it these days. There is this particular stretch close to my townhouse that is utter chaos. I think all four lanes are torn up, orange cones everywhere, and then at times part of one lane will be paved so you dip in and out while driving. It's a mess. Well it seems as if they have finally conquered this absolute mess and completed the paving portion of the construction. While attacking these errands, I found myself driving on this newly paved road, which for some odd reason I find completely refreshing. It's kind of like roller-blading on newly paved cement. Something about it..ahh, the wheels...so smooth.

Anyway, I find myself on this newly paved road, right? And due to the fact I like new cement I thought I would love it, but what I found was utter chaos. Complete and total confusion. You see the road lines hadn't been painted yet. So I was driving around on a blank sheet of concrete with no idea as to how to navigate myself in a straight line (ha, Matt and Chris, just so you know, I apparently must still drive like packman - eating the center lines). I may not drive on the center of the road but the lines at least keep me on the road, ha.

Oh and just so you remember, I've only recently moved down to Charlotte so I'm not all that great at directions. On this errand, I had a decent idea of how to get to my final destination, but how soon I'd come upon it and exactly where it was, was a little vague.

So here I am driving…I know I want to end up at the post office and I kind of know how to get there but the thing standing between me and the post office was this non-painted concrete road. The thing is, I was driving with lines on the road up until a certain point and then all of a sudden, there were no lines. I became frantic. I felt confused. There were other cars coming at me, beside me, and behind me. I could see that stop lights were ahead but had no way of staying focused on anything beyond my immediate moment of driving. I had no way to prepare for what was coming and really, to be honest, I was in all kinds of disarray.

Good news is eventually I landed myself safely into the parking lot of the post office.

But why would I bring this up in relation to Christ?

Oh, I just knew you'd ask.

I see Christ all over this. I suppose I see God working in anything that is chaotic. You see God stepped into chaos and created order, His creation. He is the God of order. He made things to work orderly. It wasn't until the fall of man that chaos stepped in once again. So when I see things that are disorderly, I see that the situation is in need of order.

In this case particularly, I see it so clearly in relation to my race with Christ. You see so often in life things will be going well. I think I have it all figured out and know exactly where I'm going. The crazy thing is often times I just think I know where I'm going and what's going to happen. I'll be cruising right along and then out of nowhere things don't go as I planned. Chaos and confusion step in. I know there are things up ahead but I can barely focus on the here and now. I get frustrated and anxious, nervous and worried. Things come up at me, alongside me, and up from behind me and I feel helpless in the situation.

Driving with no lines reminds me that I need a God who brings order. Chaos and confusion are part of our broken world but we have a God who makes order and brings peace into the brokenness. There are times when things will not go as planned and there are times when I feel completely helpless, but God remains faithful and He always carries me home. I always land up safely back into His arms.

What's even more beautiful about this is that God doesn't give us ten feet walls to drive in He doesn't make it so we can't see where we're going. He doesn't make it so we’re always completely blinded to the upcoming. He simply gives us guidelines. He simply makes it easier to travel down the road. The road with simple painted lines brought complete order out of the chaos, so too, with Christ. His Word, His teachings, His ways are the simple things that bring order, bring peace, land us safely into His loving ways of life. We can still see some of what lies ahead; we still get to catch all that is around us. We just get to live it in a less complicated, more beautiful way.

I continue to love God and His ways.

Cheering you on as you come to trust in a God who brings order out of chaos.

May each day flow in His ways and rest in His faithfulness.

Kaylee

Keychain for Patience.

2008-05-09T15:56:00.002-07:00

Hello all.

I know, it's taken me forever to write, but to be honest things just aren't flying at my left and right. God’s working on me in a very intimate way, and in His timing. So I share what I feel I ought to share. This may sound sort of silly, but after some journaling tonight I thought I’d share some of my thoughts.

Hey God, it's been a while. I've sort of been in a funk. To be honest, I’m not really sure what to think of you. No, of course I know you're real, and of course I know you love me and all that good stuff. It just seems as if I'm sort of a dork...I feel a little overwhelmed with myself. I'm not sure how to understand how you work in this world. I mean yeah you created it, but I don’t understand why your ways are such. Why good things happen in time. I'm not sure why patience seems so key to everything...yet, I’m thinking it's one of the hardest things for us humans to obtain. And yet without patience, we humans can be so destructive. Honking our horns, getting upset at the lady with 11 items in the 10 item check out, nasty words flying everywhere...what funny people we are and yet you choose to love us anyway....

It seems as if love is the key to the way of Christ and patience is the chain the key is on; putting strain or giving length to it.

Patience is like a keychain. Odd analogy I realize.

I think it's funny that my immediate desire is almost always everything of this world and too often not what God's desires.

Oh, that God would teach me His patience. That my heart would immediately desire His heart's desires. That my heart would beat like His.

So much to learn about myself and so much to know about myself. I want God to teach me the true desires of my heart given to me for His plan. I want Him to teach me who I am, to teach me who I was created to be, to use me in every way designed and crafted for His plan.

It’s beautiful to think that before time began, He knew that today March 1 at 10:11 pm I'd be writing Him. He knew exactly where my heart would be. Seeing as He knows me best, I suppose I should give my all to Him; release my heart's desire to the mercy of His plan.

Cheering you on as we all strive to become a little more patient, and as you each unravel the treasures of your heart that Christ created in you.

May God show you the desires of your heart. May He take you deeper and deeper into His love.

Kaylee

God in all things.

2008-05-09T15:56:00.001-07:00

Hey Everyone.

Have an absolutely fantastic day with God and me cheering you on!

Yeah, crazy thought isn't it? God cheering us on. But He does. I feel like too often I expect God's form of cheering to be a direct shout in my ear. But then I got to thinking. Maybe God is cheering us on in His own creative way. (Don’t get me wrong, sometimes He really may shout in our ears, ha ha) But wasn't He the God in the eye of the hurricane? That still small voice. So maybe He's cheering us on through ways we never expected.

Maybe a smile from someone or a hug from someone.

Maybe it's in the joy we receive from giving.

Maybe it's in the peace beyond all understanding that we get in moments of strife.

Or maybe He cheers through nature.

Maybe the rain is His way of saying, "Hey, I’m cleansing you. Keep going."

Flowers are His way of saying, "Look how beautiful I make things in time and in its proper season. Trust in Me."

Thunderstorms are His way of saying, "Wow, I'm big. Do you trust me?"

Fruit is His way of saying, "Look how I provide for you. Have no worries. I'll take care of you."

Rocks are His way of saying, "Look how solid and strong I am. I will never fail you."

Water is His way of saying, "I'm essential for your body, for life and I'm here for you to dive into."

Oh I’m sure there's so many ways God is cheering you on, but for now, how is God Cheering you on today?

Cheering you on in my little humanness while Christ Cheers us on as our Savior and Lord! Oh I love it.

May He speak words of encouragement in all that surrounds you.

Kaylee

The best romantic ever.

2008-05-09T15:55:00.000-07:00

Hi all.

So I’m sort of a sucker for romance. Okay, okay, I’m a complete and total hopeless romantic. And I’ve sort of been in a funny mood recently. You know the mood where you trust that God has a wonderful love story to write for you, but you wonder if He's even picked up the pen to write it.

Anyway, I have a confession. Sometimes, I have really profound thoughts (stop laughing, I really do, not very often, ha ha, but it happens.) And sometimes I learn something new. I get super stoked about it and then want so badly for someone to share in the excitement I’m experiencing. So basically, I have many wonderful moments that I feel I experience all by myself and that no one will ever be able to "re-capture" it with me, at least not exactly.

The other day I found myself asking, "God, who's going to know all these amazing thoughts I have. (Am I struggling with pride here? ha ha) God who's going to know exactly what I’m experiencing right now? And who's going to...? And this? And...and?" I found myself wondering who was going to know me. All of me. And I mean really know me. Then in my whiniest, most pathetic voice, with a hint of cry, I said, "And God” - in between sobs - “Who's going to bring me flow---errs?"

In my little heart I heard, "Kaylee, I bring you flowers every spring. More flowers than you could ever imagine. And Kaylee Hendrickson, I know your every thought. You don't even have to re-tell the amazing moment so I can sort of relate. I was actually right there with you through that moment. I completely relate and know your story. I know every fiber of your being and I adore who I made you to be."

This thought somehow allows me to let out a big sigh of relief, live for today, and wait patiently for all that He has in store.

Cheering you on in whatever relational status you find yourself in.

May each one of you know that you are completely and totally romantically involved with Christ, and may you see His signs of affection for you that are all over the place. For example…flowers.

Kaylee

God in street signs.

2008-05-09T15:54:00.002-07:00

Hey.

First off, I’m so sorry that I haven't been sending more of these. I've been seeing God all over the place. Really, I have. It's just that I’ve been finding myself super busy (which don't get me wrong I’m thankful for all the things I am blessed to do). It just gets tiring and doesn't allow for a lot of "free time" to write.

Moving on, saw another billboard the other day. It was great. It read:

Open Heart Center

Oh how wonderful is that! I suppose this one doesn't need too much explanation but; nonetheless, I have the time now so I’m going to take the time to at least share what it means for me.

Open heart center. What would a community look like if it were an open heart center?

Maybe people would be open for God's love to flow in their hearts. Maybe people would leave their hearts open enough so that love could flow onto others as well. Maybe people would be able to completely 100% open up their hearts and share their joys, their struggles, their pains, their moments of complete awe of God, and so much more. Maybe people would feel connected rather than alone, loved rather than hated, accepted rather than rejected, helped, given hope, encouraged, inspired, known, understood and unconditionally loved.

Maybe. And maybe it would be beautiful.

Cheering you on as your hearts open up to all that life entails.

May you feel others opening their hearts to you and may we, followers of Christ, be known as the community with the open heart center.

Kaylee

God in driver's training.

2008-05-09T15:54:00.001-07:00

Hi Everyone.

The other day, I’m sitting on the Wealthy exit ramp and a car drives by in front of me. On top of this car sat sort of a teepee like structure that read:

A+ Student Driver A+

Oh no, way too funny, I thought, as I sat laughing for quite some time waiting for my light to turn green. Why was this teepee like structure so funny? Probably had something to do with the idea that most of us would not rate student drivers in the A+ category. I mean seriously, I’m still somewhere in the D range (for those of you who don't know freshman year I road tripped it to Florida with some friends in my car. By the end of the trip I was not allowed to drive my own car and told I drove like packman...you know, because I ate the center lines).

Moving on, I just wanted to point out that sometimes others may not view us as A+ people, or A+ Christians. So often we even judge ourselves as failures. Give ourselves an F. At times I find myself thinking, what is God thinking about me right now? You’re so impatient. You weren't very respectful there. Why are you so selfish? But then I have to remind myself of God's unconditional love, and that He doesn't grade me. He loves me. I think we'd all be pleasantly surprised by what God has to say about us. Maybe it's something more like, "Thanks for helping that person. Remember when you listened? Remember when you controlled your tongue? Thanks for sharing. I used you there; look how I’m using you now. Look at how you love. Well done."

It’s funny I’ve never heard anything about getting to Heaven and hearing, "Wow, you really stunk it up done there." I’ve always thought we’d hear, "Well done my good and faithful servant."

Cheering you on as you come to know that we can unconditionally love ourselves just as Christ unconditionally loves us.

May you start looking at yourself as an A+ Child of God A+. Yes, we struggle, who doesn't?) But hey, well done. Continue to be good and faithful servants!

Kaylee

Let's run.

2008-05-09T15:53:00.001-07:00

Hello.

So I get out of my car today (heading to class) and instantly I see this girl frantically running. No, it wasn't out of panic. It was more out of excitement. And this wasn't just any run, her arms were flip-floppin' every which way and her hair was just swooshing all over the place. It appeared to be some sort of fast pace dance or something. This run was completely filled with unexplainable joy. It was by far the funniest run I have ever seen, backpack and all just flapping all around. I have no idea where this girl was running to; I saw her bend around a few cars, and then sort of disappear. I looked for her, but I couldn’t define where she went exactly. Maybe she was running because she saw a friend she hadn't seen in a while, maybe she was just really excited to get to the warmth of her car, and maybe just maybe she was running for the sake of running. Nevertheless, this girl was running ridiculously and running with all she had. I must admit for a very split moment in time, I mean nano second I thought, wow, that's kind of dorky, but that thought quickly blew over as I began to laugh, and a part of me wished I could have joined this girl in her dorky run. It looked sort of fun --- I wish I knew what her destination was that made her run like she did.

So then what did I do? I asked, "God, where are you?" And then it hit me. Her run was exactly how I want my running with Christ to look like. So free, so fun! I wanted to run with her kind of passion and excitement.

I began to wonder. What if we all ran our race like this? What would it look like for us to run so that people passing by would look at us and say, "Wow that's kind of dorky...I want to join." And when they join in, maybe we'll be able to tell them why we're running and who we're running to because I'd sure love to know why she was running so fervently.

What would our running look like?

Would our running have to be completely and totally in the freedom of Christ: forgiven, accepted, and loved?

Would we have to be just like this girl, totally carefree of what the world thought of her as long as she was bringing glory to God?

Would we have to be filled with unexplainable joy?

Would our running intrigue people so much that they'd want to join in?

I sure hope so.

Cheering you on as you run like you’ve never run before.

May you run with all that you have.

Kaylee

Ice, Ice Baby.

2008-05-09T15:52:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone.

"The Lord is not slow at keeping His promise as some understand slowness.
He is patient with you..." 2 Peter 3:9

What, you want a word picture? Okay.

Recently in the morning, I get all ready for school, or the what-nots of my life. I head out to my car and in an instant I'm automatically frustrated. My car is always covered with snow or ice. Sometimes it's on the outside of my car and sometimes it's on the inside of my car. (the ice that is, although sometimes the snow gets in there too) Anyways, I end up spending much of my precious time either dusting my car off or scraping my car free from the icing it has received over the previous night.

What is my point? That I could just take off with my car covered with ice and snow but it wouldn't be very safe. I may or may not make it to my destination safely (this has nothing to do with my actual driving because that's just unsafe in and of itself...oops). And I always fail to remember that in taking the time to dust my car off, my car gets to warm up. And I like the feeling of being warm, as opposed to freezing, as I drive to my desired location.

God knows that we have "icings" and "snow coverings" all over our hearts. These don't necessarily mean negative things but things that just need to be worked out. We can "risk it," or we can wait for His timing and make sure that we get the best. So often, we get impatient and want to drive right through life, failing to see how God's "timing" functions as He cleans, shapes, molds, and "de-ices" our hearts so the journey can be at its best. We fail to understand that He doesn't hold out on us. In fact, He holds out His hand to guide us through our moments of impatience and confusion. And when His time finally fits into our time, we're all "warm" and we feel better about the drive, the journey. I love how patient He is with us as we de-snow, de-ice, and de-freeze.

I know a lot of you are "waiting" on God; for healing, for understanding, for wisdom, for patience, for Him to take away certain feelings, or to give you certain feelings, to work things out in certain situations. Maybe you're waiting for something to happen with your child or your spouse. Maybe you're waiting on a job, waiting for the "one," the next phase of life, graduation. You know where your "wait" is. May you know that God is working right now. May you trust that these things are already at work, coming soon to your heart (I sound like some advertisement for a movie). In His time.

Random story if you have the time. In high school, I would take off out of the driveway with a foot of snow on my car. After many warnings, my mom finally said, "Kaylee, if I see you drive out of that driveway one more time with snow on that car, I’m taking the car away from you"- oops! I’ll admit, now that years have passed, that when I would take off with that much snow on my car, the snow would fly off the hood of my car and nearly blind me while driving down the road - caused sort of a white-out condition. Maybe my mom was on to something.

Cheering you on as God defrosts your heart.

May you find comfort in the ways of His timing.

Kaylee

Lousy.

2008-05-09T15:51:00.000-07:00

Hi all.

First off, remember when I told you to take a breath in, hold it, then let it out?....yeah about that. The other night, I’m lying in bed, I take a deep breath in, something gets caught in my throat. I gag. I cough. I nearly puke, and then I breathe out...I then died laughing as I recalled that only a few days earlier I had sent an email out telling you all to relax, taking deeps breathes in and exhaling out. Hope you had a better experience with your attempt to relax.

The other day I was driving through Standale. Some of you might know of it. It’s that little town, more like a villa, that if you blink you might miss it. Apparently I didn't blink because I got a glimpse of a sign. The sign (located in front of a bowling alley) read:

Lousy Bowler League
Sign ups Inside

Oh, I laughed. And laughed hard I did. (And yes, it's because I’d be the best lousy bowler on the lousy bowler league) So of course, I have to ask, "where you at in that one God?" Here's what I’m thinking.

Let’s just say I was to sign up for that league, which I haven’t (at least not yet, ha). But let's just say I did. No matter what, by participating/practicing I would become better. At least I would hope I’d get better. There may be games where I bowl higher scores, and others that I bowl lower scores but overall, my skills are going to get better.

In relation to racin’.

I think we should all have signs in our hearts that say things such as: Lousy with patience. Lousy with controlling my temper. Lousy with controlling my tongue. Lousy with pride…and so on and so forth. I think we should admit to our weaknesses. Yes, fully surrender to the idea that we are not perfect, that we are flawed.

And then sign up at the best "bowling alley in the universe," God's Kingdom. Trust me, you won't be alone. You'll have a whole team that is "lousy," or for the sake of being a little less harsh, struggling with the same thing. There will be teammates who will be able to help you. There will be teammates struggling with something else, and there will be fans cheering you on. The thing is that admitting to "lousiness" and signing up for help is the first step at getting better. There will be times where you will do really well (higher scores) and then there will be times you won’t do so well (lower scores). There will even be days you have nothing but straight gutter balls. But overall, you're going to get better and better with the help of our friend, Jesus, and with the community that surrounds you. And one by one, or strike by strike, you'll knock out those pins, those struggles. I'm reminded of this verse:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving"--Colossians 3:23-2

Just a little side note. None of you are really "lousy." Perhaps just a little "lousy at something." Each of you is a child of God, and I hope there's no confusion in that truth. And what you do won't really keep "score" with God. We all fall short. It’s just that the more we practice the better we'll get…make sense? Hope so...

So anyone signing up? For God's Kingdom, silly, not the actual bowling league. But if you do sign up for the actual bowling league, let me know. I’ll come and cheer you on, ha ha.

Cheering you all on as you continue to grow and develop your Christ-like "skills."

May you get your game faces on.

Kaylee

It's not time out, it's time in.

2008-05-09T15:50:00.003-07:00

Hello Everyone.

I'm in Kirkof today, right, and I’m looking for a spot to sit as I wait for one of my girlfriends to meet me. I want to find a calming place to sit which I presume would include a nice view. After I walk for what seemed like forever, I slumped myself down on a couch. Though it had a window, I wasn't really thinking it to be much of a view – but ‘twas all I could find As I sat there I looked out the window and what to my wondering eyes should appear, I know, I know, you're thinking reindeer, but no. And it didn't appear it was already there, but okay moving on, it was the tip of the clock tower on campus. All of a sudden it hit me...I had sat at the absolutely perfect spot. Time! The view I was experiencing and the angle I was looking at it through was a direct representation of my life.

You see, I rush so much through life, and I get so super excited anticipating future events that often times I fail at being fully present. When I fail at being present it's like looking through a window at a clock. I literally just watch time pass me by as opposed to experiencing life through the use of time. It's something I think we all tend to forget, especially considering the culture and the times we live in. Jesus knew we struggled with this concept as He said, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life....Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself" Matthew 6:27, 34.

I’m thinking there is nothing I can do to add or take away from the timeline of my life, but there is plenty I can do to add and take away from my living... I think a lot of you can relate (at least a little) to what I’m talking about. So why worry? God is in control. Goodness will prevail. And that's all we need to know to live life. There is so much more that could be said about this, but for now I’m going to end my cheer for the day with:

Cheering you on as you live life.

May you strive to be fully present in every moment passing.

Kaylee

Growth.

2008-05-09T15:50:00.001-07:00

Good morning (well, by the time you get this it most likely will be morning, but as for me, it’s night right now).

So apparently I just can't sleep...fair enough.

I'm lying in bed tonight, right? And I start thinking about how many amazing people God has placed in my life and how incredibly blessed I am. I get this sudden jolt of excitement about God. I become in awe of how wonderful He is, how truly great He is. But then I realize I’m not really worthy of what He gives me. So I ask, "God why do you love us so much?" and in the quiet of my heart I hear, "For moments like these, Kaylee." I started thinking more about this, and are you ready? I mean really ready, because here's the word picture.

One of my good friends has a baby girl. She's four months old. In the past few months I’ve had the great privilege of watching her develop. About a month ago or so her legs weren’t strong enough to hold herself up (you know, sort of like jello). The other night I was holding her and she did great holding herself up, her legs so impressively strong. It was like seeing a whole new little girl. Little does she know how far she’s come. In time, I know her legs are only going to get stronger and stronger. I am incredibly proud of her growth – I can only imagine how her mother feels.

It makes me think of us. We're like babies. We start out not quite understanding Christ, and a lot of our "muscles" aren't so strong. When we accept Him, it's like we just signed up for a membership at the local fitness center. God works us out every day. Some days more than others. And although we start out like jello, He shapes us into something more like gold, as He makes us stronger and stronger. Little do we really know how much we're growing and the strides we're making, yet it's His joy and honor to watch us throughout the process.

Cheering you all on as you realize that you are growing and that He is very proud of you.

May each step of the way shape you more like Him.

Kaylee

Defin thyself.

2008-05-09T15:48:00.002-07:00

Hello.

I've never been a huge drinker. I'll admit I've tried it a few times in my life. I can honestly say those experiences never really came with positive outcomes and ah yeah, just hasn’t really been my thing. Well yesterday was my birthday and I turned 21 (rather than exciting, it was quite possibly more depressing to know that I had to take the time to renew my license.)

I'm going to be brutally honest with you - and let down some of my pride....I was in the shower this morning pondering my life. I started to think about the words I’ve said over and over again. The words of oh, I don’t' drink.

But now I'm 21, and it's legal to have a couple of drinks if I want. I started to realize that throughout the years, somehow the words oh, I don't drink had given me some sort of power. A very negatively notated power. I used these words as a way to set myself above others. And this morning for a brief moment I found myself very sad that I had lost this power; this idea that I’m better than you because I don’t... (I know, I know, bear with me; this is a huge pride barrier being let down here). Then it hit me...my whole life I have often defined my "Christian" self by what I do and what I don't do.

But being a Christian isn’t about what I do, or what I don’t do. My faith, my relationship with Christ, is about the way I live; how I serve, how I help, how I work, how I study, how I talk, how I listen, and so very much more.

What we do doesn’t define us. It is only by the grace of God that we are called His children. So often, I find myself like the Pharisees, saying, “I don't do this. I don't do that. I don't break this law or that law,” or even yet, “I do this. I do that. I volunteer here, and I give my money there.” And I fail to live in the grace of God and to live as He has called me to live - and that is to love Him and to love one another as He loves me.

It’s not about what I do or don’t do. It’s not about legalism. It’s about grace...And in turning 21, I’m going to live in that grace.

Cheering you on as you live a life free from legalism.

May you find yourself living in His grace every moment of every day.

Kaylee

Solo Tag.

2008-05-09T15:48:00.001-07:00

Hello.

Are you ready? Because I have the coolest game for you guys to play. No, I’m serious. It’s so much fun.

It's tag.

But it's special tag. It’s solo tag, meaning you have to play by yourself. It plays like this: you’re the tagger and the taggee. Ready?

Okay. Go! Run as fast as you can. Run! Run away from yourself. Keep running. Go, Go, Go. Get away from yourself.

Keep on Running.

Wait, why aren't you running anymore? Oh you're right there? Yeah, it must be kind of hard to run from yourself. Maybe if you run in a circle?...a square?...I know, a diamond?.... still not working? Well, try this then; try faking yourself out...bust a move. I’m not kidding...do a dance. Fake it to the left. Fake it to the right, the left. Left again. Okay, the right.

So if you're like me at all you're going to die laughing as you picture someone actually trying to play solo tag (and my apologies for those of you who have tried - just stop now while you’re ahead, ha). It doesn't make sense. Solo tag doesn't make sense. So why would anyone play such a game? Why would we run as fast as we can away from ourselves?

But as Christians we run from God? But why? If we invited Him into our hearts and He lives in us then He is part of us, correct? So running away from Him would be like playing solo tag, a lot of energy for not so much progression....are we tracking?

So instead of running from God, running from our problems, running from our fears, our pains, and our insecurities, let's just run so as to give our all to God.

Anybody coming?

Cheering you on as we run to give our Lord the glory, honor, and praise He deserves.

May you not run from who you were created to be, but embrace the beautiful design that you are.

Kaylee

D

Fingerprints of God.

2008-05-09T15:47:00.000-07:00

Hey All.

So this past weekend I had some of the old Bible Study crew over. As well as catching up on the latest of our lives, we decided to have some actual Bible Study time. It led to a certain discussion/narration of what Heaven might be like.

My friend talked about how God loves creativity. All through Genesis and into the New Testament God is all about newer, complex, and creative things. When we get to Heaven my friend can't imagine that we're all just robots doing the same thing. In fact, quite the opposite. Heaven will be all of us rejoicing over our differences --- our different talents, our different interests, and the uniqueness of each one of us. This friend continued to ponder the idea that maybe when Christ came to earth to die for our sins, He truly came to die for the sake of each one of us. Christ came to save the creative work of art that He created. Yeah, to cover our sins and to give us His mercy, but He came to save each one of us. Each one of us. He doesn't look at us and see our individual sins. Rather, He sees us individually with our gifts and talents; our personalities and our passions.

I think it's possible to start living a little bit of Heaven by looking through the eyes of Christ…

Cheering you on as we bring Heaven to Earth as we seek to see through the eyes of Christ.

May you see the beauty in everyone you meet and may you know how truly special you are. May you know that your qualities, your personality, your fingers, your toes, your eyes, your smile, your interests, your hobbies, your talents, and so much more are the fingerprints of our extremely creative God who doesn't make mistakes. He makes beauty.

Kaylee

Don't let the fire die.

2008-05-09T15:46:00.001-07:00

Hey Everyone.

For Christmas, one of my friends gave me a wonderful, precious present. It was a beautiful glass candle holder. Then she gave me nine candles. Each candle represented a fruit of the spirit – love, joy, peace, etc. At the bottom of each candle was a verse pertaining to the particular fruit. And this was so that if I am struggling with being joyful then I put the candle in, let it burn, read the verse, pray. And as I pray, the smoke symbolized the prayers going up. Too cute I know. She’s amazing.

So the other night I had my candle lit. I was lying in bed and looking at the candle. I asked "Hey God, what's so significant about fire? Refining? Purification? Okay, fair enough, but that's not clicking for me right now...." About ten minutes later I blew the candle out so I could go to bed (we don’t want any fires) I climbed into bed and all the smoke blew over to my bed and I gagged. I did. I coughed, and I gagged. And then I started laughing hysterically. "Oh" I said "so you mean that when the fire dies, it stinks."

I know this doesn't sound very deep. And that you may be wondering why I am sharing this with all of you. Well, it's because I used to think that maybe I was a Christian because my parents raised me to be a Christian.

This past year I put God to the side and my fire got smaller and smaller, and I felt like it almost went out…I was miserable.

I suppose I want to remind all of you that our joy really does come from God. I changed nothing in my life except the placement of Christ and now I’m truly living all the days of my life.

For all of you, I know some of you are hurting so much. Some of you are honestly going through things I could never imagine going through and some I can say that I’ve been there, survived that. Depression, an empty nest, broken marriages, feelings of worthlessness, changes coming up, kids moving on, new beginnings, new challenges, old challenges, break ups. Yeah, you each know who you are.

Okay, little tears are coming.... (shoot) I want each of you to hold onto your fire, don’t let it die. Please don't let it die. It stinks. It may not make sense; you may wonder what's going on and why God is allowing it to happen. Someone once told me, "Sometimes I didn't know why God allowed stuff to happen in my life, but somehow through it, I became a little more like Him." He never leaves us. He holds, guides, loves, and helps us through...and little by little the fruits of His Spirit will be manifested in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Please don't let your fire die.

Cheering you on in the hope and full faith that your fire will survive.

May you know that if you need, I will be His match to help light you up again.

Kaylee

Raindrops of love.

2008-05-09T15:45:00.001-07:00

Hello, hello.

So I just have to share this....I spent some time with Christ tonight. I got a journal from my sister for Christmas which was perfect because I was coming to an end of the current-held journal. And for those of you who journal, it's kind of a sad day as you scribble on the last page...and yet at the same time it sparks a moment of reflection. Tonight, through this process of reflecting, I realized that in roughly four years, little under, more like 3.5; I don't remember much. I don't remember the bad. I mean I do, but not really, not emotionally. Everything, good and bad, just blends together. Truthfully, all I can really see is a God who loves me so incredibly much, a God who has never given up on me, and a God who has continuously healed me. Most of all, I’ve found a God whose hand is totally and completely at work on me and in my life.

After writing to Him I began reading some of His love story to us (hey, it's the only romance I have right now, give me some credit, ha). As I read His Word I just couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. It was like every other sentence I had to take a breather because I just couldn't handle all the joy I was experiencing.

It felt like little raindrops of love were pouring down on me. I realized that as small, and as delicate, and as broken, and as full, and as alive, and as healed, and as hurting, just as I am, I can only handle drops of His love and mercy...

I know He has so much more to drop but I don't think I can handle it all at once. I can't soak it all in right now, I'd drown, ha.

So, gently and lovingly He pours…showers, sprinkles, and at times He even holds off on me until I'm ready and willing to accept just a few more drops. It’s beautiful. I mean how He works. How He knows us so well. How He is so much more than I can handle. I love it.

And as for Heaven? It must be like standing under a waterfall of his Love.

How amazing.

Cheering you on as you come to know that through it all God is working.

May you trust that His hand is at work. We may not see it now, but we will. May you hope in all the rain drops of love, of mercy, and of grace that God has in store for you. And may you know that one day, we're all going be dancing under a waterfall!

Kaylee

God in retail.

2008-05-09T15:43:00.000-07:00

Hey Loves.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade-kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.”
1 Peter 1:3-5

This verse has always stuck out to me, and who would have thunk but working at Express has helped me understand God and know why I get so excited reading this verse...

Bear with me, especially you boys, as I explain.

Here's how the story goes.

There’s a sale going on at Express right now. Every sweater in the store is 40% off.

My manager is prepping me for the day. She informs me that every sweater in the store is 40% off. She says, "How ‘bout this red sweater? Oh, it's on sale. And this cashmere green one? On sale too. And the new spring collection? On sale. the? the? They’re all on sale." I have to laugh as she's saying all of this because it's so obvious, right? Every sweater in the store means every sweater. There weren't any conditions (that would be false advertising or something like that).

So anyway, the day starts and people come in. "Hey, how are you today?" I say, (as I greatly appreciate the customers who acknowledge my existence, ha) "every sweater in the store is 40% off."

Oh, if you could only see their reactions:

"Every sweater?"

"Every sweater in the store?"

"Well, I was looking at this one a week ago, but if it's 40% off well, then…"

"Wow!"

"Really? Thanks so much."

...and so on.

How in the world can Express reflect Christ?

Pretend you are a shopper. You're looking for something, right? You want something more, whether to give to someone or maybe something just for yourself; nonetheless, you’re looking. However, shopping is expensive, and at times you may want that something more and you're looking for it, but you know you just can't afford it. That is until I come into the picture and tell you that all the sweaters are discounted. Yeah right, you think. So you test me...Every sweater? This one? And this one? What about that one? As I continue to tell the shoppers that every sweater is 40% off they get this freedom. You can imagine them thinking, oh, I can do this. Yeah, it's not so bad. I'm kind of excited about shopping now.

Now pretend you are a shopper in our race here on earth. You're looking for something right? You want something more, or you may have it and want to give it to someone else. However, life is expensive. You make wrong choices and you get bogged down by how much your choices cost. That is, until Christ comes into the picture and tells you that all your sins are discounted and not as a percentage but rather, He completely discounts your sins altogether. As in totally forgotten about. Non existent. Yeah right, you think. So you test Christ...Every sin, this one? This one? What about that one? As Christ continuously tells you that every sin is forgiven you suddenly get this freedom as you begin to think, oh, I can do this. Yeah, it's not so bad. I can run this race. In fact, I’m pretty excited about running now.

Cheering you on as you come to find Christ and His mercy.

May you come to know that all your sins are discounted. May you live in the freedom that God has forgiven you. May you be excited to live and run this race. And may you realize that this feeling is only a glimpse, a glimpse of an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade - kept in heaven for you. And may you react like the shoppers at Express and say, "Wow, Thanks God. That's awesome. I was looking at this sin a while ago, but if you say it's forgiven then I’m going to keep going. Thanks God.

Kaylee

Johnny and his perseverance.

2008-05-09T15:42:00.000-07:00

Good Evening.

Of course, as usual, it's quite late and I can't sleep because I'm super pumped thinking about God.

Most of the time I have stories that I make up. Yeah, you all know...my word pictures. But this time I have a real story. Happened to me this semester. This year has been one of the roughest years of my life, not going to lie. At the beginning of the semester I was quite broken and I wondered if I was going to even make it through my classes.

The first day I attended my acting class there was a boy. His name was Johnny (it wasn't really Johnny but Johnny will have to do). Something about Johnny stuck out to me. There was this instant connection. Keep in mind Johnny's around 50 years old, so I'm not connecting in a whoa-he's-really-cute sort of a way. I'm talking about the connection where you wonder God, why is this person in my life. What are you trying to teach me? How are you using him in my life? Throughout the semester, every class period, I wondered this. I even sort of missed him when he wasn't there. For the life of me I couldn't figure it out. That is until tonight...

You see, one thing you need to know about Johnny is that Johnny struggled with this class. He tried so very hard. He would get up time and time again to perform yet his acting just wasn't very good. He often didn't follow the lesson plan, and many times he forgot his homework or simply completed the wrong assignment. Johnny didn't mean to do any of this. It just happened. And no matter how many times he failed he kept going...The professor would say, "Why don't you try this?" or "Why don't you try that?" Many times Johnny would come back and he would look at the professor and say, "I know what you're saying, but I think"...or..."Well, you said to work on this so I tried to work on it." The professor would say, "I commend you for admitting you don't understand. Why don't you try this." Johnny kept failing. The craziest part of all of this is that I don't think Johnny ever felt like he was failing…His success was in trying.

So where am I going with this?

Johnny reminds me of what we all should be like when running the race. To me, Johnny is the best representation of understanding mercy and grace I have yet to find in my short little time here. We all fall short. We do. But when you fall, you always get back up. It’s not a question about whether or not we have his grace or not. He covered that long ago.

To think that God loves us so much that He wants us to come to him and say, "I know what you're saying, but I think"...or..."Well, you said to work on this so I tried to work on it." Crazy that God wants us to come just like Johnny and say, "Hey, I don't get it. I'm struggling. Can you help?"

And then to think even more that God gave us His Word so we could get a "Why don't you try this?" or "You could try this too?" So many words of encouragement He's given us. So many ways of obtaining His way. So much love.

God doesn't ask us to win the race; He just asks us to finish. Our success is in trying.

And that is why I met Johnny. God only knows why he met me...and that's the beauty of it all.

Oh how fun!

Cheering you on as you run, and run, and run some more.

May you find yourself meeting a Johnny of your own.

Kaylee

Where you at God?

2008-05-09T15:41:00.000-07:00

Hey There Everyone.

So we've all been told God never leaves our side, right? But I’ve noticed this....that sometimes God doesn't seem so close. Sometimes I feel as if I’m running with everyone, yet no one at the same time. It sometimes leaves me angry with God. I tend to find myself asking, "How can you leave me here alone God? Why aren't you here with me now? What did I do to make you leave me?” Then I get hit by a two-by-four and I realize if my view of Him changes, and I don't think He is with me then it is my own distortion. God does not get any closer or farther from us. It is we who place the distance - either farther from Him or closer to Him.

Where do I position God in my life? Where am I choosing to see Him? Instead of asking where you at God, maybe I should ask where am I?

It’s sure got me thinking.

Cheering you all on as you come to know that God is right where He's always been – right by your side.

May you know that He was, is, and is to come!

Kaylee

Can God be grammar?

2008-05-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

My Loves.

So this happened a few weeks ago, but it's taken me until now to get it out....oops!

I got to my liberal studies class early one day. The professor for my class teaches a more advanced liberal studies class before mine. I started to do my homework, but then overheard (yes, I was eavesdropping on the class discussion) but I overheard them discussing Christ. One of the questions my professor asked the class was "do you think God is a noun?" I peaked a little into the class to see that most of the class had their hands raised to say that indeed, they thought God was a noun.

Class ended and I walked into the room. I walked up to my professor and said, "I overheard you talking about if God was a noun. I think God is a verb. He's a linking verb to be exact. God IS, and Jesus always said, I AM."

She replied, "Or maybe He's a helping verb."

It got me thinking. Perhaps, God is all parts of speech. Take a noun for instance: person place or thing. He sent His son, Jesus, as a person to walk amongst us. As a place, well goodness, I see Heaven and God all over…the clouds, sunsets, trees, waterfalls, rocks, flowers, mountains, and all good things. Nouns are usually subjects of sentences and well, Jesus should be the subject of everything we do. Our purpose in life is placing Jesus as the subject.

And as a verb? I can totally imagine the Holy Spirit as a verb, running through us, at work in us, and moving in the world. He's what gets things done. The Holy Spirit is God in action.

Adverbs deal more with time and location. God is above all things. He is all around us, and He runs through us. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow? Aren’t those adverbs? (Okay, so maybe I’m a little rusty on my English skills to be writing this email but I’m trying here, give me credit).

Do any of you remember the A, B, C cheering you on I wrote? Because if you do, this one reminds me of that one. I’m just so constantly reminded of how God is in all things. Our talking, speaking, communicating, our alphabet, and now I see Him even in our grammar. Too fun.

Have a wonderful day and when you have to write a paper, or send an email or compose anything with writing and grammar just remember God is in it!

Cheering you on as you see God in the sentences you write.

May you seek to see God in all things that are good.

Kaylee

Can you be more aware?

2008-05-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

Hello.

This week I have been challenged with the idea that Satan is so real. You know that race we've been running, well, let's picture this:

You’re running, right? Or walking - for some of us who aren't as in shape as we used to be. You reach this huge hill with lots of tree roots and pot holes. It’s cold, windy, and has been pouring for a really long time.

You conquer the hill and begin to look around. You see that you have this awesome path ahead of you. The sun is shining, not a cloud in the sky. No hills. No stumps. Green grass and some pretty little flowers on the side. You believe you might be clear to the finish line. Sounds awesome doesn't it? So you’re cruising right along, or in our case huffing and puffing because we're running here, but anyway, along comes this other racer. He comes up behind you and starts talking to you. He talks about the race. He seems encouraging and in fact, tells you about another way to go that he promises will never have bad weather or hills or roots. As you’re talking about this you begin seriously contemplating about going this other route because well, the path you just conquered was really rough and this guy promises that there is not even a chance of bad weather or a difficult path.

After thinking it through you decide to stick with the route you’re on instead of following the other offered option. I mean you've made it this far, why not stick to the directions and the map given… Besides, right now the path is pretty good.

Just as you decline the offer you fall flat on your face. You look around. No one is there. Your hands are all scraped up. Your face is bleeding. You sprained your ankle so badly that you can't even walk. You lie there for a while, unable to budge. Then you feel the gentle touch of a hand. A quiet, tender, yet strong and courageous voice says, "Hey, I see the race is a little hard right now, I’m sorry for that, I’ve been watching your whole race and I’m really proud of how far you've made it. I know right now is difficult for you so here, get on my back. I’ll carry you." So he picks you up, dusts you off, and lifts you up into his arms as he begins to carry you.

There are so many times in my life where I’ve been running my race with Christ and Satan has come up and flat out deceived me. There are times he pretends to be on God's side only to make me fall. There are times he has made things seem so promising, yet they are so full of lies.

However, the thing is, even if I say no to his ways and yes to God, I can still end up flat on my face. Satan is out to destroy and devour. He yells words of discouragement; sometimes he will kick or punch me. I may face trial upon trial. Satan will do anything to wear me down, to wipe me out completely. He does the same to you, too.

Praise God that He watches our race and that He sent his son, our true friend, in the race who through him we are promised an inheritance, a finishing of the race, "that can never spoil, perish or fade" 1 Peter 1:4. He meets us where we are and is a friend who at times will run right beside us, at times will walk with us, and at times will crawl on His hands and knees with us, even lie there with us. And at times He will pick us up and carry us.

Challenge of the day.

Let's try to be more conscious of where and how Satan is trying to tempt us. Really, I think it's possible. Let's look for ways to stop Satan from even showing us a "what could be" that's full of lies and deceit. Most importantly let’s praise God for picking us up every day, dusting us off, and getting us back on our way, time and time again.

Cheering you all on as you continue to run.

May you come to know in your heart that even in falling, you remain in the race.

Kaylee

Reflect Him.

2008-05-09T15:38:00.002-07:00

Hey Bruthas and Sistas in Christ.

Let’s have a little fun while we run this race shall we?.....

I thought maybe some of you would be interested in playing a game with me. I think I’ll title it Reflect Him.

REFLECT HIM

How to Play:
1. Pick one person who stands out to you who needs cheering on. (To enhance the excitement of the game try picking someone who is having a hard time being in this race; perhaps someone who may not even know they're running.)

2. After picking that person, cheer them on. Try to figure out special ways to reflect God to them.
Suggestions: pray, write a card, complement them, call them, smile, give them a pat on the back, and maybe most importantly try really listening to them.

Rules:
3. A player may not use unwholesome talk, or any actions that may bring another player down.

Referee:
In any case of dispute or conflict there is a mediator, God, who is available and ready on call.

Winning the Game:
A player wins the game when he or she attempts to reflect God to another person.

Prize:
It's stored up in Heaven

I know this might sound a little funny but I want to encourage each of you to pick one person over the weekend who really needs cheering and simply cheer them on throughout the week, whoever it may be. Ask God for guidance on who this person is and remember that this person may not be easy to cheer on, but we are called to love those who hate us, or maybe even just don't agree with us. I know as Christians we strive for this daily, but I thought I’d ask you to participate in the game with me.

Let me know if I can be of any assistance as you play. I’m more than willing to do anything - especially pray. Game starts Monday. Who's in?

Cheering you on as you cheer others on.

May you come to know that life in Him is most certainly abundant.

Kaylee

Is your letter worth reading?

2008-05-09T15:38:00.001-07:00

Greetings to my wonderful family whom I love so incredibly much.

“You, yourselves, are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the Living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God, not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” 2 Corinthians 3: 2-6

Summed up.

I’ve heard it said before that you may be the only Bible some people ever read. I wonder if my life, my story, is worth reading.

As a servant I must help others see God. I must meet them where they are at and that means if I choose to quote from the "letter" I must do that using the Spirit of God running through me because I can say "I love you” or I can say "I love you." And in case I haven't told you all this or as often I should…I love you all so much.

Praise God for the breath of life that allows us to live. Dance in his mercy today, will ya?

Cheering you all on as you display His letters.

May your heart be living word of His greatness.

Kaylee

Is God your A,B,C?

2008-05-09T15:34:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone.

This is a simple thought I had today, but I tend to have a lot of time to sit at the bookstore while I’m cashiering (too bad I can't do my homework) but anyway, I use that time to pray, or at least I try to. I was thinking today that there are just so many people and so many things to pray for, thank for, praise for…Then, I thought of this:

Try this: take the A, B, and C and write a prayer, you know like those poems you wrote in third grade. Here’s how mine went:

Lord, I

Ask that

By your grace, I may

Cherish all that you

Do for me.

Every time I call on you, your

Faithfulness shines through your

Goodness to me. I ask that you strengthen my

Hope

In you

Just by

Knowing you always are

Listening to

Me. Thank you for

New days with awesome

Opportunities, and a community of

People who are constantly

Running beside me, helping me to

Stand

Tall with

Understanding and assurance knowing you

Value me so much that

Wherever I go you are with me, and if I need that

X-tra help

You always provide and remain faithful through the

Zoo (okay you think of another word for "Z") we call life.

Amen (look where we ended up.... back at the beginning)

You could do it multiple times and have so many different prayers.

He truly is the alpha and the omega...

Now try this.

Write out the A, B, Cs and point to a letter, any letter, think of a person or a thing to either praise, ask or thank God for, or (all of the above). Now, point to another letter and do the same thing, continue on. It’s amazing the different people and things you can think of when you do this. I thought of kids from high school that I totally had forgotten about that I was able to remember and pray for. I also just thought of random good things that are a total blessing from God that I forget to thank Him for. It kind of makes the prayer time a little more interesting.
By doing this I not only got to pray for so many different people and things, but I also realized that God is truly the all in all, even in the alphabet. I hope next time you sing the A, B, Cs (which may be a while, but it will happen) you think of God and how He is in all good things. He truly is the alpha and the omega, my A-Z!

Cheering you all on as you run your race with our Alpha and Omega.

May He fill your days with blessings from every letter of the alphabet.

Kaylee

I like the color you are.

2008-05-09T15:33:00.002-07:00

Hey.

How is my wonderful and blessed family doing? I thank God so much for each of you who touch me every day through thoughts of you and through the power of prayer. This one is really long, but I had a lot to say...

Picture This.

Picture an artist sitting in his studio. The studio has wood floors and white walls. It’s really quite a simple studio but it offers a very tranquil environment. There is a huge window that he's looking out, the sun is shining in and the window is open. The cool air blowing through refreshes him while he works. It’s just him and his ideas. He gets out a canvas and looks at it. He begins with one stroke, and gets another color. Another stroke, another color. He mixes the colors and adds more strokes, gets more colors, mixes more, more colors, more strokes, more mixing, more colors, and adds more and more strokes.

Years have passed. He has devoted everything, every moment and every ounce of energy to this work of art. He works and works. He wants every stroke to be perfect. Picture him as he sits and strokes each stroke. Feel the emotion and passion behind each stroke. Picture his face full of determination. And picture him as an idea for the picture comes to mind. He smiles, or he jumps up or he just lights up, "ah, that's it! That’s what I want." Picture his eyes as they look and gaze over every inch of this picture. He wants it perfect. He wants beauty in it. He wants people to feel all of the emotions he feels. He wants people to understand him by looking at the picture. After all, this entire picture reflects him.

He finally finishes the masterpiece and he sees that it's good.

Now picture this, remember the window that was open? Well, a gust of wind blows through and knocks the canvas off his tripod; it falls to the floor with the paint side facing to the floor. If that's not bad enough, it starts to rain, and the water pours in through the window. It pours and pours and pours on the picture. The artist looks down with saddened eyes at the water logged and smudged up picture. He bends down, carefully picks it up, lays it on the tripod, and starts to work on it again. He doesn't look defeated, maybe just a little frustrated, but continues working. As he's fixing it he realizes he is missing the color red, but there is no red on his paint tray. So in order to fix the painting he cuts himself and begins spreading his blood all over the canvas.

What am I getting at here?

You see we can look at this word picture in a few different ways.

First of all as a community.

God sat in His Studio with His angels, and He looked out the window and wanted to share what He felt, so He made a masterpiece, creation. It was beautiful and it was good, but then the rain (Satan) came pouring in through the window and water damaged the masterpiece. But God loved us so much that He bent down and picked us up (think of the stories of Adam and Eve, Noah, Joseph, Moses, the Israelites, David) When He realized He was missing a color He knew what to do. He sent His son, who poured out His blood for our salvation, to save the masterpiece.

Second, we each are that masterpiece.

He made you, He made me. He was excited. He was excited over every detail, every stroke. He knew what He was doing when He made you. Not one stroke was wrong. He wants every stroke right where it is and the exact color it is. You see, we were made perfect, perfect for His masterpiece. Although you may feel like you don’t fit into this world and its values, you fit perfectly and hold perfect value in Heaven. Our Father knew exactly how to make us so that the masterpiece would not be missing what He wanted to show the world. Our growth in Him is like a new layer. As we grow closer to Him and reflect Him to the world, it's Him fixing and adding to the masterpiece.

We each are our own masterpiece blending together to get back the master copy of the masterpiece.

In Addition, if God knit us in our mother's womb, therefore knowing every stitch, seam, and fiber of our being, if He knows our every color, knows every careful detail He put into us, well then He must be the best one to mend us when we're torn, right?

Cheering you on as you come to find your stroke of color that’s all your own.

May you know that He designed you perfectly according to His will.

Kaylee

Let's finish last.

2008-05-09T15:33:00.001-07:00

Hey all.

Today I was thinking. You know the last shall be first deal? Yeah, never made much sense to me. I mean I knew it means something seeing as it’s in the Bible and all but what it exactly it’s getting at was beyond me...until today.

So I start to get some picture in my head, right? I think of Mother Teresa. I picture what her race must have looked like and I see her standing amongst everyone saying:

"You can do it. One more step, awesome. Keep running, you’re almost there. You can do it. Way to be. Great. He's watching you and He's proud. Run. Yes that's it, oh wonderful, how can I help you? Do you need something? Are you hurt? I have a band aid.. Let me help you. Hold on guys, we need to wait for them. Yes, that's it. Run. You’re tired? You need to crawl? All right, everybody on your stomachs. We're crawling. You want to run? Everybody up, and if you can’t run, jump on someone who is running. We’re almost there. I can't wait. Let’s go. We can do it. I see Him. He’s right there waiting for us. Wait, in fact He's running to us. Let’s hurry up and meet Him. He's going to take us in His arms. Ah, praise God!"

Being last allows you to cheer others on, making them work harder, encouraging them to persevere, and helping them do their best.

To conclude, most of us would say that Mother Teresa was leaps and bounds ahead of us in her faith, and probably was. She knew what it meant to meet everyone where they were at. To serve them. To love them. But she chose to run amongst us and she sometimes ran a step behind us cheering us on. So in fact last was first. I always thought of it as if I’m last then I’ll be first, which is true, but I want to point out that in order to be last you need to strive at being “first” with God, loving Him first with all your heart and all your mind, and all your soul, so that in turn you can cheer others on from behind. Just a thought. Let me know what you think...

Cheering you on wherever you find yourself in the run today.

May you come to cheer others on in humbleness.

Kaylee

Chocolate? Or maybe a treadmill instead.

2008-05-09T15:32:00.001-07:00

Hey all my Loves.

How are we doing? Are we soaking in God's goodness today?

Here we go.

"Earnest prayer from a righteous person has powerful results" James 5:16.

Okay so I’ve got to thinking. I want powerful results when I pray, right? Why else would I pray? To hear myself talk? I do that much too much as it is. So I’m thinking I might want my prayers to be earnest and with a righteous heart so as to receive powerful results...that’s two things that I can work on. Earnestness and righteousness...But how do I do this? I have some thoughts, just personal thoughts. I have no theology degree to back me up. I’m just a Christian striving to serve Christ. I’m just part of the conversation, part of the journey.

Well first, let's focus on righteousness, anyone have a Webster in the house? If you do please look it up and email me the definition, just kidding, I’d prefer if you explored its meaning in the Bible. Find it? Because it's kind of all over the place in there.... but anyway, for the time being I’m just going to put it in simple terms of my understanding. I understand it as doing what is "right" before the Lord, and bringing glory and honor to Him with our lives. Walking in harmony with God if you will.

And now earnestness.... is that a word? Hmm....um yeah; I don’t' have much knowledge on that, but I would say that maybe in a sense it applies to seeking what God wants for us and what will bring the most glory to Him. Of course God wants us to ask Him for what we want and most importantly, He wants us to be honest before Him. But in our prayers do we surrender our will to His good and perfect will?

Are we tracking, here? I hope so because I’m not sure if I am, so hopefully at least one of us is.

Every time I pray I try to remember to ask Jesus to purify my requests before the Father. It's funny; sometimes I get this image of me standing there with the Holy Spirit running through me, Jesus interpreting for me and the Father listening. And then even funnier I get this idea...this thought…and to best explain it I have a word picture:

Let’s picture me driving down the road. I begin to pray, "Jesus, please come down and purify my prayers before the Father so that they may be pleasing and refreshing to him. Father, could you please bless me with the mighty miracle of a gas station so I can buy some soul satisfying chocolate? Thanks God!"

So Jesus listens to this request, bites his lip in a how-should-I say-this-to-the-Father type of a way, and turns to the Father and says "Father, could you please bless Kaylee with a fitness center. She really likes it when she works out. She feels so much better about herself and she releases so much stress. Thanks! Oh and P.S. please deliver her from chocolate because she’s struggling to eat healthy and take care of herself. Praise you for your faithfulness!"

Yeah, I know, deliver me from chocolate? But hey, everyone has their own struggle.

The prayer that Jesus interceded for me was really the cry of my soul, not quite what I was asking for with words, but was my heart’s true desire. I guess what I’m trying to say here is the saying we've heard since the beginning of our walk: sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no, and sometimes not right now. Sometimes He answers it in a different way. but so much better of a way because He truly knows what's best for us. He hears our cries just as they are but He also hears our heart’s cry. He knows every strand on our head, every beat of our heart. He knows what’s best.

Wow, if you made it through this....nice work.

Have a wonderful day, full of prayer, praise, and petition of Christ.

Cheering you on as you continue to pray knowing the Spirit intercedes.

May you rejoice in the answers given from those prayers (though maybe not exactly what you were asking).

Kaylee

A rose by any other name.

2008-05-09T15:28:00.000-07:00

Hey my wonderful loves.

First of all, you probably have two or three emails sent from me because I accidentally hit tab and then sent my unfinished email twice so here is the finished one.

Second, I have two things I’d like to point out tonight but I’m not sure if I am going to be able to connect them like I’m seeing it, but here we go...

Throughout the Bible we have this theme: Open my eyes to see. Open my ears to hear. For the longest time I’ll be honest I thought I had 20/20 vision and well, I talked so much I didn't need to hear because I never took a breath so I didn't think I needed to hear anything. I suppose I thought that there were two kinds of people, talkers and listeners and we only had to master one.

In the past few weeks, I’ve began to explore this simple verb; open. To me, I’m wondering if it could mean to look for...Okay, we all have heard the phrase, "take time to smell the roses.” How about "take time to look for ways to see and hear God” and since we mentioned roses, my brain is doing a file search.

Story time. So here I am. If you can’t tell exactly what I’m doing I’ll tell you that it appears as if I’m crawling through a garden. Yes a garden. I am on my hands and knees crawling through thick, squishy mud (taking it for the team here).

Anyway, I like what I see but I think there might be something more than mud out there so I get on my knees and starts scooting along through the garden. At this point I think I can see it all but become quite disappointed when all I can see are some thorns sprouting from a green stem. I can't help but want to experience the thorns. I reach out for them as they prick my finger (ouch!). Hmm, there has to be more than this, I think. So I look up a little and see some leaves, hmm more green. But this time as I reach out to touch them they are soft and malleable. They don’t inflict pain to the touch.

Thinking there might be more out there I stand up and right in front of my eyes is the most amazingly beautiful red rose.

End of story you ask? Umm I suppose so...at least for now.

I just can’t help but think that the growth of a breath-taking red rose is much like my relationship with Christ.

Mud. When we first start out walking with Christ we are just learning the basics. We are the mud (if you take offense to this, I apologize) but the mud, the basics, is the most essential thing, the mud is what holds all the nutrients, it's what we are rooted in. The basics of being a follower of Christ is what we need to be rooted in to give us the essentials of following Him.

Thorns. The thorns protect the plant. The thorns in our life are the journeys, choices, and trials Christ takes us through. They often protect us from harm even when we can't see it.

Stem. The stem is our faith and hope in Christ, our backbone that gets stronger the more we root ourselves in the basics, and the more thorns we are able to handle, overcome, and protect ourselves with.

Leaves. The leaves are another form of soaking in nutrients and helping the plant grow, just as we, have many opportunities to soak in God's goodness.

Rose. The rose is the most beautiful part of the plant however, impossible to have without the mud, thorns, stem, and the leaves. We all want the flower part but we must be patient not to rush to get to the flower because the other parts are important. In fact, these other parts are the only way to get to the flower. Just so, as followers of Christ, we must be patient in His timing and all that He does. Every place and season of growth we're in is essential to becoming a beautiful blossoming rose.

The two things I’m trying to say are...

One, God is in control. It’s essential that we trust in His timing and in what He is doing with our lives. We must have patience knowing that God is faithful. Each season we have is a blessing from Him and in order to make the next season of growth the best we must make the season of growth we're in right now the best it can be. Make sense?

And if you only have "okay" mud that is missing some nutrients, then you'll have an "okay" stem with "okay" leaves and "okay" thorns. And then, you’re flower will only be an "okay" flower.

Completely enjoy whatever season you're in; whether the season is of joy, mourning, grieving, gratitude, or if you find yourself a student, a worker, a father, a brother, a sister, a mother, married, single, being an athlete, being a child. Whatever and wherever you find yourself today love it and live it to the fullest, what is the verse? "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as in working for the Lord." Hmm funny and it ties into "I came that you might have life and have it to the full” John 10:10. In order to have season B the most abundant, we must have season A to its fullest too.

And second of all, this one is sort of the smaller portion in relation to the whole email but has just as much worth. Look for God. It’s taken me a while to learn that God truly is in every good thing. But by stopping and taking the time to look for, meaning looking up, down, right, left, and all around at every good thing in my life, I see God at work; I hear His message to me. And as I start seeing and hearing all of these little things, I see His faithfulness shining through and I see how I am supposed to live this season to its fullest.

I hope I made some sort of sense but ah yeah, great day. God is good!

Cheering you on as you soak in His goodness today.

May you come to know and trust that all in God’s timing is all in good timing.

Kaylee

Right now.

2008-05-08T06:11:00.000-07:00

Is this my beautiful family? Good, it is.

So I was thinking today and while doing so, I became absolutely and completely fascinated with the idea that God knew about me when He made Adam and Eve; that He had me planned when Moses led the Israelites, that He knew about me when David wrote all the psalms, that He knew about me when the apostles were walking side by side with Him, when Columbus sailed the ocean blue, when Black Tuesday hit, when the automobile was invented, when the radio was invented, when Hollywood came about, when my grandpa and grandma got married, and when my parents found out I was on the way.

Through every adventure, discovery, tragedy, crisis, exploration, invention, God knew about each of us; and for some reason here, at this very moment in time He has chosen us to run the race: to run ourselves, to run together, to fight the good fight. We, each one of us, are perfect for right now.

No, seriously, I’m bewildered by this. The person you drive by on the highway, the person sitting next to you in class, the person you work with, the person you know is struggling with an addiction, the single mom, the abused child, the mother and father who just lost a child, the parents who just found out they can never have a child, the child who watches his mom or dad die, the teenager who feels unaccepted by everyone…We’re all living side by side in our journeys.

And then there’s the kid who just got the first A on a test, and the teenager who just realized he or she had worth. And what about the person who just accepted Christ, or the student who just graduated from college with a degree, or the parents who watch their child put together their first puzzle, the patient who found out they are in remission from cancer, the husband who just got a job after being out of work for months.

They, we, are each placed right here and right now. For some reason we get to go through these sufferings, problems, crisis, joys, adventures, explorations, and inventions together, side by side. Yeah, all of it. We get to do all of it with each other, and I’m thinking that maybe it somehow all connects.... to a bigger picture, a bigger family...Christ's family that is cheering us on and praying us through.

I suppose maybe it's just my thoughts leaving the little world I’ve known of West Michigan, or maybe I’m thinking something bigger. Maybe I’m realizing that this is all way too exciting. That God is in control. He has it all planned out. My job is to love God, who is writing the story, and then discover my place in His story.

Cheering you all on as you participate in this amazing love story, too fun.

May you come to understand the time and place of your existence here on earth.

Kaylee

Priceless.

2008-05-08T06:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Beautifuls.

So my car has been in and out of the shop three times in the past three weeks. Kind of sad wouldn't you say?

I finally get it back today, right? And my roommate and I are driving down the road. I say to her:

"Yeah, a new muffler, $150. While fixing that they found my shocks were snapped in half, $600. And to top it all off my back brakes went, $270."

She looks at me and says,”knowing you're a child of God...Priceless!" – ha.

Cheering you on as you come to realize you are priceless.

May sweet reminders of His love fill your day.

Kaylee

Coming down the mountain.

2008-05-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

Hey All.

Story time.

I made it. I so totally, and completely made it. I walked, I crawled, I ran, I jumped, I flew and I climbed...I cried, I rejoiced, I thanked, I prayed, I listened, I humbled myself, I served, and I encouraged and I totally and completely made it to the top of the mountain, right? And I’m standing there with my hands on my waist looking out across it all. Proud as can be I say to God, “Look God, I did it. I did it. Did you see me? No joke, I did it. Man, I am good. Wow, aren’t you impressed? I tell you what, I am so good. Look at that. I made it. Man, it feels good to be up here. Glad that's over... so now what, God? What do we do now?"

And do you know what He said to me? He Said, "We go back down and we get more people."

What? The nerve. He tells me that after all of that, after all my work, He's sending me back down the mountain. No way am I going to head back down to the valley so I looked at God and I asked, "hey, okay, so you're kicking me off the mountain for now but could you maybe just send me down to that plateau right over there instead? Don’t make me go down to the valley again; I hate it down there. I mean they can hear me just fine if I yell down to them. I can just tell them how to get up the mountain. You know left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot ha ha, right God?..... God?"

Then God looked at me and He said, "Kaylee, I need you right down there in the valley. You can't just tell them how to get up the mountain you have to first bring them the tools necessary to climb it and then you, yourself, must show them how to do it just as you were shown. The mountain gets harder and harder to climb. At first, your example, (yes the left foot right foot) they can follow that and it will work, and they will get the hang of it, but as they get closer to the peak you’re example alone won’t work anymore. It's going to be every man for himself so they're going to have to study my example in order to reach the highest point…so be the example to get them started, but bring them the tools to reach the top!"

I was reading Obadiah the other day and ran across this verse: "The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks and make your home on the heights, and you who say to yourself, 'who can bring me down to the ground?' Though you soar like an eagle, and make your nest among the stars, from there I will bring you down, declares the Lord." Obadiah 3-4

I believe there could be numerous reasons why we would have to go down the mountain but two definitely stick out to me; humbleness and service. When I was little I used to play this game called Sticky Situations. You started out at humble beginning, and then ended up at the exalted end.

While playing the game you could land on red bricks, which placed you back on the board, the red bricks were labeled titles such as pride slide and lie detector. There were true riches bricks you could land on which were gifts you could receive from God and then there were sticky situation bricks. When landing on these bricks you were faced with a decision and based on that decision one would move forwards or backwards.

I believe life is a continuous playing of this game. Did you see how when I got to the top of the mountain I took all the credit? In a way, I considered myself equal with God. I stood there acting as if I didn't need Him anymore. I praised myself and my work. I no longer thought I needed God. My own pride deceived me.

There are times when I feel like I have got it all together and I feel like I’m soaring in life, only to realize I’m taking a quick plummeting nose dive to the ground. Now it's hard for me to say exactly, because the feelings of worthlessness and loneliness are from Satan but somehow God even seems to insinuate that He'll bring us down from the mountain. Maybe it's just that God wants us to call on Him for our everything – to truly see Him as our Savior and source of strength.

We must often times start at the humble beginning and humble ourselves; realizing we are nothing without Him. Once we are down there and call on Him, He fills us up with true riches and prepares us to climb the mountain again. Then throughout the climb He will give us choices that when we make them will either put us forward in the game or will send us back to grow some more.

I want to point out here that in being sent back is not a reflection of your heart and who you are. There are numerous times God has sent me down and He continues to send me down. I have to remember that nothing grows on the mountain tops. It is in the valley where the wilderness flourishes and life exists in abundance. It is in being “sent down” to the valley that I know my Savior continues to work on me and mold me into something a bit more like Him.

Besides, this “game” of life we’re in is not about winning; it is in living in Him that we have life.

Sometimes He sends us down the mountain to be humbled, but know that the humbled are sent down too. He needs us down there among each other being His example to others who don't know how to climb the mountain. I figure He stands knocking on hearts’ doors and we are the ones to show others how to open the door.

Eventually we will once again make it to the exalted end, but I’m encouraging you to continue to open your heart and humble yourself before Christ and to ask Him to send you down the mountain. Ask to be that example. Trust me, it makes life more exciting!

Cheering you on as you find yourself at times on the mountain and at times in the valley.

May you rejoice in exactly where you are at on the mountain knowing and trusting that God works for good, meets us where we are at, and uses us where we are at…all for His good.

Kaylee

You're worth it.

2008-05-08T06:02:00.002-07:00

Hey My Loves.

Are You Worth It? I think so.... Here’s my word picture for the day: (and though it be an awkward thought to think, pretend I’m a tree for the moment)

I once was a tree. I stood proud and tall and man, did I think I had it all together. I knew how to shake my branches in the wind. I knew how to soak up the sun and had photosynthesis down to a tee; hence, my leaves were incredible. My trunk was not crooked, and above all I knew how to blend in with the other trees in the forest.

Life was good.

Yet, with all this something was missing. One day a lumberjack came by and he started cutting me down. With each chop of my stump there was pain and lots of sap running out of my "wounds." I had no idea what was going on. I was taken to a warehouse where my branches were stripped off of me and then my trunk was put through this machine and turned into a twenty dollar bill.

I certainly didn't look the same as before. I was changed. I was put into people’s pockets, passed along from one person's dirty hands to another; I was dropped into mud puddles. People spilt soda on me and at times they even ripped parts of me into pieces. The crazy part is people still wanted me no matter how dirty I was. Apparently, I still had worth even with dirty fingerprints, mud, soda, and ripped edges.
You see, there was a time when I could walk the walk and talk the talk. I was considered beautiful and popular and I "fit" in with the cool kids. I thought that I had it all together but somehow I knew something was definitely missing.

That's when Christ came along and started chopping me down. I wasn't all about it. I was comfortable with where I was at and besides, His chopping really hurt but while He was chopping me down He whispered, "Kaylee, You're worth it and I’m going to show you that you are worth it, but you're going to have to trust me on this because it's going to hurt for a while." So I did. He cut me down. He stripped me of all my pride and thus began the process of becoming more and more like Him.

So here I am chosen and given worth, but the thing is the world around me is not perfect, and certainly neither am I. Whether I choose to or not, daily I get covered with muck. Sometimes it's my sins and other times it’s the sin of others. Regardless, I’m still covered with muck. The thing is, I am still valuable. Nothing can take away from that.

Cheering Everyone On as you come to know your worth.
May you come to know that you're worth far more than $20. You're Priceless!
Kaylee

Grocery Shopping.

2008-05-08T06:02:00.001-07:00

Hey Beautifuls.

Picture this: An adorable four year old with cute little blonde pig tails and big green eyes. Let’s just call her Kaylee (okay yes, that would be me).

My mom has decided to take me to the grocery store for what she thought would be a quick five-minute run through. Who is she kidding?

I have my own idea of grocery shopping. The first aisle we walk down we pick out some spices together and my mom takes off walking, but I sort of dilly dally around checking out every inch of shelf - in a way, intrigued by all there is to offer. And then it happens…I somehow manage to spot a bag of E.L. Fudge M&M cookies and stop dead in my tracks. "Whoa! I want this!" I scream.

As I’m stopped dead in my tracks my mom has rounded the next corner only to realize I’m not there. She peeks around the corner. “Kaylee, hurry up, come on." I quickly grab the bag and take off running to catch up.

When I finally catch up (come on now, my legs are shorter than hers) we pick out some vegetables together, but then I see some mountain dew and once again stop dead in my tracks "Mom, I want this. Can we get this?” She simply says, "Kaylee, we don't need that right now. It's not good for you, anyway. Come on let's go."

What do I do? I drop to my face right then and there in front of everyone in the store and start crying, as I continue on to throw the ultimate temper tantrum. (Some of you have a very vivid picture of this right now, for that I apologize) "But mom, I want these things, I need these things." My mom simply says, "No." While sometimes I put the item back on the shelf other times I wait till she's not looking and grab it.

Anyway, something like this seems to happen with every aisle we go down and by the time my mom and I get to the check out line I not only have the title of "did you see that little brat in the grocery store" but I also have got myself a feast of cookies, ice cream, pop, candy, chips, and goodness knows what else. I should have grabbed some Pepcid AC while I was at it, but okay right, remember I’m four, I can't even pronounce Pepcid AC.

As I stand there with an armful of "crap” my mom simply looks at me and says "Kaylee, I told you to put some of that back. Why didn't you? Besides you can't have all that. You need to eat healthy food. Look at all the stuff we picked out together. These are the things that won’t give you a stomach ache, things that will help you grow and keep you healthy." At this moment I’m feeling a little guilty for grabbing what she told me not to so I put everything back. When I return from returning, I look into my mom's grocery cart and two of the things I see are broccoli and slices of cheese. (Okay guys, confession as a little girl truthfully one of my favorite things to eat was cooked broccoli with cheese melted on top). As I look at this I realize that the whole time we were walking up and down the aisles my mom was really shopping for me. She picked out what would be the healthiest for me. She picked out what truthfully was my favorite food to eat, and yet what would still be the best for me.

I look farther into the cart and I see all of my family's favorite healthy foods. Wow, my mom was taking care of all of us; she didn't miss one of us. And this whole time while I was trying to "scope" everything out I should have been watching to see what she was picking out and learned to pick out what was best for me and my family.

Is there a Point? Let's hope....

Okay, so here is where I’m supposed to make a connection. This story of "grocery trip with mom" is much like my walk with God for a few reasons:

Sometimes I tend to dilly-dally around not keeping my eyes on the check out aisle, which is Heaven. I start to look at all the world has to offer. Sometimes I simply glance at worldly things. Sometimes I stop to look and God has to beckon me back, but I might still grab what I see and run to catch up to God; though the more I carry the harder it is to catch up. Sometimes I stay where I’m at and God literally has to come to me and make me drop what I can't drop on my own. (Sometimes it takes a temper tantrum in order to drop it).

When I take my last breath and see God face-to-face, God will ask me what I picked out. He’ll ask me why I picked out some of the "unhealthy," worldly things. I’ll be held accountable for every grocery item good or bad, so it's best if I just shop with God instead of trying to do it by myself. I know my walk would move a lot faster that's for sure. Plus, the more I dilly dally or flat out stop and look, the farther I pull myself away from God.

God grocery shops for all. When we get to Heaven we'll realize that this grocery cart, this world was for all. He fills the cart with good things for each of us. He wants us to be healthy and He wants the best for each of us. Some of the "grocery" items are different for each of us depending on how He wants to use us and what is best for our differentiated needs.

I hope this made some sort of sense because I’m still trying to piece it together. I certainly hope it doesn't freak you out next time you go to buy cookies.

Cheering you on today as you experience your "grocery trip with God."

May you come to trust in His ways.

Kaylee

A note to the reader.

2008-05-08T05:56:00.000-07:00

The first weekend of my sophomore year of college I found myself on my knees in my apartment, aching to know God more and more. I was so completely and entirely excited about this God I was coming to know that I hopped on my computer and shot an email out to share how I was feeling.

This stemmed what my friends and family came to know as Cheering You On Emails. Through the years I simply continued sending out emails sharing what God was teaching me and how I saw God in the day.

These emails turned into a book that yes, of course, was called Cheering You On As You Run Your Race With Christ. After publication I continued to write.

Cheering You On blog-style is simply a compilation of some of the emails I have sent throughout the years both prior to publication and since publication.

Enjoy.