Good Morning,
A couple of weeks ago I found myself in a conversation where a friend expressed that he was in a very dry season of the heart. It was actually a bit of music to my ears to hear that I wasn't the only one in such a spot.
The following day I grabbed a card for him...Well, actually we were meeting for breakfast prior to church. I began my venture towards the bagel shop - having to stop at a gas station on my way to fill up yet another flat tire (3rd time since my move down here to Charlotte) oh, and it was raining...and I didn't have seventy-five cents with me so I had to withdrawal $20 from a nearby ATM so as to get my seventy-five cents to fill up my flat tire in the rain...
Anyway, sorry, I'm getting a bit off track. It was actually after this that I remembered I had forgotten to grab a card from my card stash for the friend. I ran home quickly, grabbed the card, and sat in my car as the rain poured down my car's windshield (which has a huge crack in it, but yes, that is Bessie for you. And yes my car has a name. But just so you know you can only name a car once you've developed a relationship with it. Or if it's a brand new dream car where you can name it Babe or something like that). I began to write inside this card to my friend. It was blank - which I don't particularly always like blank cards because that means there's more space for me to fill up with my own words - I'm lazy. As I sat there in my car I had no idea what to write...I just started writing. What seemed to come to mind was the idea of being dry...a dry land. I found myself getting excited for my friend as I realized that a dry land is that much more in need of a rain. Kind of like a sponge. A moist or wet sponge can soak in more water, sure, no big deal. But a dry sponge. A dry sponge gets to soak in so much more all at once. When you hold a dry sponge under a faucet you can just feel it soaking and soaking up the water.
My brother and sister-in-law got me a journal for Christmas (as did many other friends and family members - thanks to you all - I love journals) I decided to start writing in the one they gave me...The journal has dividers in it. These dividers have quotes on one side and verses on the back side. I was flipping through it and ran across one whose quote read:
God often takes a course
for accomplishing His purposes
directly contrary to what our
narrow views would prescribe.
He brings a death upon our feelings,
wishes, and prospects when
He is about to give us
the desire of our hearts.
- John Newton
Last night while I was journaling I told God that my faith was a bit exhausted - as I was journaling these words it became more and more apparent how beautiful the dry seasons of our faith really are...It hit me that wherever there are dark spots in my heart, God can shine His light. In fact, these darkened areas of my life are the absolute perfect place for God to shine on in and in fact, embed and dwell in these dark spots so as to dissipate the darkness and shine forth His light.
You see, I would consider myself an optimistic manic depressant. I typically see the glass half full and I surely would never want to bring another person down and yet, one bad seed of confusion or sorrow in my heart can grow into a forest of despair for my soul. And I feel like my heart has all sorts of polka-dot dark spots. But recently, I'm really excited about these dark spots because they are truly dark spots. Confusion. Loneliness. Jealousy. Insecurity. They aren't tainted spots. I can't pretend they aren't there. I can't try to cover them up. Try to shine my own light, persay. They are there and they are dark. They are truly in need of a Savior. They need light, true light to shine on them...My own creative way of covering up and hiding these dark spots won't make due anymore.
So today, this morning, there is much hope in my heart and joy in my soul. Hope that as my heart remains dry and confused, it is only more and more ready to soak in His blessings that all flow in His perfect timing...and great joy that in my hopelessness, He brings hope. In my loneliness He offers friendship. In my despair, He whispers, see I am doing something new. And in my humanness, He still chooses to use me.
Cheering you on through all seasons of life.
May you have hope through the dark spots in your heart and wait in great excitement and anticipation for the ways in which God will transform darkness into light.
Kaylee
No comments:
Post a Comment