How great the Father's love for us.

Good Morning y'all.

I rock babies in the Progressive Care Unit at the Carolinas Medical Center on Monday evenings. It's a beautiful thing though I must admit, there are times where I'm so exhausted by the time I get there, that I nearly rock myself to sleep (oops).

Recently, I tend to rock the same little baby girl. She's bigger than most of the babies and has been there quite a while. Last night when I got there she was already fussing (I reckon she must have known I was on my way and was calling first-dibs on my services, ha).

She had monitors hooked up on other visits, but this time she had a feeding tube and a bag hooked to her stomach for her waste to drain into. Her outfit was open so I could see her stomach - amongst all the tubes attached to her belly. She also had a pretty fresh scar running vertically on her stomach.

The nurse was having trouble getting her to settle down enough to feed her so she laid her in my arms and we began to watch Barney together. I was rocking her and while looking at her, I noticed she also had an extra growth by her right ear. With each inhale and exhale she breathed, I was reminded of the difficulty she has breathing. The smell of her waste bag created a nauseous feeling throughout my body. In addition to all of this, she also has something wrong with the formation of her left eye.

I sat there rocking this baby girl. While doing so, I began to pray for blessing upon blessing to flow in and through her life.

As I sat there praying and rocking, it dawned on me that her spirit was whole. That yes, life has been extremely unfair for this child thus far in her journey but that it was I, myself, who had labeled her as broken. I realized that though she has numerous medical conditions and doesn't quite appear to look like every other baby in the unit, she's whole. She's complete.

She relaxed enough for the nurse to feed her while I held her.

After the feeding, she got a bit too heavy so I placed her in her crib and began playing with her. She kept on smiling this smile that melted my heart. All of a sudden she started turning red and tensing up. I waited to see if it continued and that it wasn't just a bathroom pause, but she continued. I called the nurse over who claimed she either had to burp or throw up as she opened up her feeding tube, allowing the excess discharge coming from her stomach to rise into the tube.

The rest of my time there I sat sprung over her crib, talking to her, interacting with her, smiling at her, and simply watching her. As I did this, I couldn't help but think of God and His love for us.

I'm not perfect. I'm definitely not perfect. I'm flawed in so many ways. And over and over again Satan plays off of my flaws. He lies to me. He tells me I'm not good enough. He tells me I don't make the cut. He tells me that I'm not complete. But I am complete. I am whole. My heart is resting in the loving hands of my Father and nothing can separate me from His love.

There will be hard times in life. There will be times when life's circumstances seem to suffocate my living and I'll choke. There will be times when I'm scared. There will be times when I have multiple things going on all at once and they may seem more than I can handle. I'll fuss and I’ll cry.

But God continues to watch over me, to talk with me, to interact with me, smile at me, and guide me. Even when I may not have my eyes fixed right back on Him, He remains. He remains by my side and He remains in the very presence of my life. His love remains. He remains.

And as for me. As I sat there hung over the railing of her crib, I couldn't help but notice a sheet of paper hanging on the side of her crib that the little girl's family had filled out. It had a bunch of lists such as "I like to...I don't like to...etc". One list read:

I communicate by screaming, by looking at you, by raising my eyebrows, by falling asleep, by smiling, by grasping fingers, and by reaching towards you.

Yes, I'm the same way. Sometimes I communicate with God by screaming. Sometimes by looking right at Him. Perhaps by falling asleep and resting in Him. Sometimes we smile at each other. Sometimes all I can do is grasp His finger and reach out with all I have towards Him... and then perhaps sometimes it's as simple as an eyebrow raise.

Cheering you on as you come to know the great love of our Father as He forever stands by your side.

May you come to know that the lies of today and days gone past surely fall far from the truth of our redemptive history - a God who will do anything to protect and restore the crown of glory He placed on our souls and a God, who by the power of His love, has made us whole.

Kaylee