In the silence.

Hi all.

I was driving a Red Cross vehicle today and wanted to listen to some music; however, much to my dismay the radio didn't seem to be working. Realizing that it wasn't an issue of volume or power flow, I let it be for a bit. However, upon a deep and true desire for music, I went back to the control panel and began working on the radio again. No such luck. As I sat there in silence, immobilized at a red light, unable to bring music to my ears, it dawned on me that the situation seemed to be playing out the season of my heart.

Recently, I’ve felt quite far from God. Really far in fact. I can't seem to find Him. I can't hear Him. And I feel empty. It's not a feeling of sadness. It's a feeling of emptiness. This feeling has left me feeling a bit abandoned and most certainly lost. I want to reach out, grab Him, and rope Him into my arms. But I can't seem to. I can't seem to find Him. All I've found is silence. My life is guided by silence right now. I can't find Him within me, above me, behind me, nor before me. He seems out of reach. God is silent.

This season isn't a season of inquisition of His existence or presence in my life. He's here, there, everywhere...but where? I can't find Him.

So what is it? What is it that when in seeking you find silence? What if you want a harmonious melody to sound throughout your life leading you to the next verse or the next chorus, and yet the music won't play? And what if you fear that once the music finally starts, it won't be the song of your request?

What is it?

It's faith. It's being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see, or feel, or hear.

For a while my friend and I had a running list of "Ya know you're getting old when..." Ya know you're getting old when you check out the ring finger before checking out the guy, ha. You know you're getting old when people try to set you up. You know you're getting old when...etc. One of the lines was, you know you're getting old when you actually turn off the radio because you like the silence.

A smile smirks my face as I think about this in my spiritual walk. Silence. I have this desire for the music to play, the beat to sound, and the melody to carry on and yet; I would have to say that it is in the silence that the true definition of my faith is being defined. I believe. Even when I don't feel, see, hear, understand, or comprehend, I believe. I walk through the valley head held high knowing my Savior stands on the other side exuberantly waiting to greet me. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or the tomorrows after that, but one day, some day, I'll collapse into His arms. And all of this. All of this silence? Worth it. And as for today? Ha, you know you're maturing in faith when you face trials of many kinds.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete,
not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

Maybe today you find yourself in a place quite similar to mine. Maybe you've been there far longer than I have been...Press on. Let this season carry on so as to mature and complete you - not lacking anything.

Beautiful, really.

Cheering you on as you press on through mountaintop highs and valley lows.

May His grace be made perfect in your weakness.

Kaylee