I have a file.

Good Afternoon.

I have a file. I do. I have a file here at the American Red Cross. It contains all sorts of information about me. I didn't know I had a file until the other day when I was looking to do some more organizing and I found files. Upon inquiring about these files I found out that I, myself, have a file - and that I could look at it if I wanted. Of course, I wanted to see what people have filed about me so I cracked open the file. I started reviewing a piece of paper which stated some of my medical information. It stated that I had extreme emotional stress and lifting limitations. Below that was checked a box that stated to “restrict hardship.”

I began to laugh. Well of course, lifting limitations. I can't do one single push-up ha. But what I found to be incredibly humorous was the fact that my "file" stated that I should be restricted from hardship...and......I'm......the......caseworker. I suppose they figured if they couldn't get me to stop crying they'd just have me join in with the clients, ha ha.

No no, but humorous no? I mean my file claims I have weaknesses, weaknesses that yield limitations, and yet my weaknesses seem to be my strengths here at American Red Cross. My heart may emotionally take on the given situations I find myself surrounded by, and though not always easy, not always what seems ideal, it is quite ideal when working with people who need someone to feel with them, for them, right alongside them. Restricted from hardship? Hmmm.

I remember the first year I volunteered with fifth and sixth graders. The leader of the program taught the volunteers something. He said that if Johnny is beating up someone ask him why he's doing it. Try to get him to figure it out. Try to get him to realize that he has strength. He has strength not so that he can beat a brother up but to defend him....beautiful!

I have extreme emotional stress (or so that's what my files states), lifting limitations as well, ha, and lots of other things that make me, me. I have extreme amounts of energy which used to amount into high levels of anxiety but I've learned to channel my energy towards being extremely organized and productive. I've learned that anything (talents, abilities, gifts, strengths, weakness) can be used in two ways - to glorify God or to not glorify God. For me, it's taking what the world may diagnose, criticize, or label as a weakness and allowing God to use it as a "strength" - in whatever way He desires.

You see, we each have our own "file." We may not like exactly what the file contains, we may wish it was different, we may even wish we could swap files, but I guarantee you, your file is beautiful and it contains all that God wanted it to contain. Our weaknesses are made perfect in Him, through His strength - and of course, in His time.

And just so you know, I stink at math. I always have and always will. When it comes to math, my file reads "bad at it." So I want to make clear here that I'm not saying that if you're bad at math, if you offer it to God, you'll become good at it. Ha, I suppose you could; in Him all things are possible – even drastic improvements in mathematical abilities.

But what I'm trying to say is, love your file. Love the you, you were designed to be - weaknesses and all. So often the world's standards tell us that we're not good enough. That since we're wired, designed, and operating under a certain stigma we are incapable of certain tasks, responsibilities, and opportunities....but God doesn't label us, voiding out certain "files" that seem outdated and less efficient.

So what is it today that you find serving as your weakness? As your struggle? What makes you feel that you are incompetent, unworthy, undesirable? How could it be channeled for good? God seeks for His hands and feet to be strong in us and through us. The story only gets more beautiful when He does this through our weaknesses.

But guys, most importantly, rest...rest in His faithfulness, in His goodness, and in His perfect design of you, beautiful file and all!

Cheering you on as you search your file.

May it be filled with all sorts of unique and beautiful fingerprints of our never-ending creative Father.

Kaylee